06/30/04, 9:43pm.
The winner takes it all...
Repression rocks! And so, in that spirit, let's concentrate on the good!

The Aerosmith concert Monday night in Cleveland was awesome! Such a good show, such a good time. Not a bad drive either. I did the entire 7 hours there, but on the way home, I let the other 3 girls switch off. It's easier during the day.

Camp that day was really good, despite the 2 hours of sleep. I had a venti Frap, but I think I would have been fine even without the caffeine.

Dinner last night was really good. Small family gathering of 22. Tiny, really, especially after the wedding. There were 9 of the 12 of us though.

I've also talked to Whitney a few times in the past week and she's having an awesome time in DC. She comes home Saturday. Becca called me and left a superlong message, but since I can't call back, I wrote her a long letter. I've also been keeping in touch with some school people.

That's the end of the good. And now the bad, all run together and super small, so that I don't get hung up on it again:
Camptodaysucked.Ican'taffordcollegeanymoresonotonlyamItransferring,Imightbetakingasemesteroff.Orstoppingindefinitely. Ineedmoney.Ineedasecondjob.Mykittyissick,andwehavenomoneytomakeherbetter.Ican'taffordmymeds,includingthepill.I'muberlonely. IwanttogooutbutIhavenoonetohangwithtonight. There's more, but I'll stop there.

And now, I attempt to entertain myself, or go to bed even earlier than last night. Mmm...sleep is healthy. Sometimes.

Current Music: The music of ABBA as interpretted in Mamma Mia!

06/28/04, 12:30am.
Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind...
Where the hell did the days go?

Between camp and the wedding, I'm running on fumes and hoping I don't hit 'empty' yet, cause I have more to do.

Thursday (aka, the WORST day of camp EVER) was hellish. The water main broke, so we had no toilets or sinks or water fountains. Kids pee a lot. Like every 20 minutes. And they get thirsty all the time. It was awful, but that's not the worst. After schleping kids out to a port-a-potty, which by the way, takes about an hour to have 10 kids use, we decided to go to the pool early, play at the field there and be able to use running water.

Then it got cold. Really cold. Like...55° cold. Kids were visibly shivering because most of them were in shorts and t-shirts. Swimming lessons got cancelled and we were stuck outside with nowhere to go and nothing to do. We told the kids to take out their swim towels and bundle up while we ate lunch outside and waited for a bus to pick us up. Then the rain started.

So, we have no water, cold, and rain. To top it off, we were shipped to the "Fieldhouse" a tiny building about the size of one and a half classrooms, where 60 kids and 15 counselors crammed to play games, sing songs and go crazy. Small room, lots of kids. And damn-near 3 hours of time to kill. It was awful.

Thankfully Friday I was off work to go down for my sister's wedding. The rehearsal and dinner were excellent. Things went really well. The bridal party and groomsmen were fun, we had a really good time. The gift giving was really nice, and family was excellent. It all just was SO GOOD. The wedding was beautiful of course, and the reception was hella fun. Lots of dancing and laughing and drinking. Really good time.

Sunday (today-ish) we drove home and I napped before going out bowling with Rob, Charlie, Pat and Amanda. Allie joined when we went to Rob's later for some Shrek-watching. Finally, we went home cause I am exhausted.

Full weekend of stuff, and now tomorrow I'll be driving to Ohio to see an Aerosmith concert. God, I'm so responsible. *rolls eyes*

Current Music: Answer - Sarah McLachlan

06/23/04, 10:58pm.
Don't come around here and tell me 'I told you so'...
Long time since I've last updated. Or at least...a long time in "internet years." Yeah, they are kinda like Dog Years.

Work has been long, hard, and exhausting. I come home feeling like I've just sprinted a marathon and promptly finding a time to squeeze a nap into my day. At night, I try to redeem my youthful summer by hanging out with people. Tonight I went to see The Terminal. I've been going to bed by midnight. I hope to be in bed a little after 11pm tonight.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. Friday I'm off to go down to Central Illinois for Fayanne's wedding. The rehearsal at the church and rehearsal dinner are that night, then the ceremony and reception are Saturday. Sunday we come home, but I'm taking off Monday to drive to Ohio and see Aerosmith. We will promptly drive home after the concert to get to work on Tuesday. Yeah, that's sane. NOT!

So yeah. I've been busy. I am busy. I will be busy. But I still will try to keep things up here so that I don't completely go AWOL this summer.

Must. Sleep. NOW.

Current Music: Fallen - Sarah McLachlan

06/20/04, 9:34pm.
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend...
Long weekend. Which is nice, but not very relaxing. Spent a lot of time at Chris' helping to Koda-sit. Last night, I stayed up until 5am, a bunch of us hung out at Barnes, then my house. We watched Big Fish and chatted. Was good, but such a late night.

So today I woke up late at 1pm, and have felt kinda funky and exhausted all day. I decided to stick around home/family all day and now I'm watching Bring It On. Mindless and short. I will be going to bed shortly after.

Happy Father's Day.

Current Music: Jumper - Third Eye Blind

06/19/04, 12:14am.
Cause I've lost loved ones in my life, who never knew how much I loved them...
I think I know how I fell asleep last night. I'm currently laying in bed, cuddling with my...computer? I dunno, I'm on my stomach, under my covers, all cozy and talking to people online...fully clothed. I think I'll put my pajamas on now, so that it doesn't happen again.

Went up with the parents to take care of puppy Koda for his dinner and to let him out. Then we had yummy dinner and came home. Pat and Jason came over and brought the X-Box with. Halo was played, and I rocked. Sure, I lost every round, but I was doing really well compared to my own history with the game. It was actually very good.

Now I'm just hanging around. Trying to decide what to do to keep myself up. I suppose I could go to bed now...but it's so early for a Friday night.

Current Music: If Tomorrow Never Comes - Garth Brooks

06/18/04, 2:43pm.
She fell in love in the first place...
Last night I fell asleep with my bedroom light on, and fully clothed. I remember waking up once during the night, to my cat nudging me, and the light was on, but I didn't notice I still had my clothes on. Wow, I must have been tuckered out.

Camp this morning was kinda boring. Meeting insane mothers (actually, most of them seem really nice and not uptight). There were a few typical "Deerfield Moms" who obviously don't work, wear spandex running shorts and inform you that the nanny, obviously Hispanic, would be the one to drop off and pick up the kids. I wish I didn't have a job, and could still hire a nanny to take care of the kids. What the fuck do you do all day?!

*sigh* After that we went back to the Park District for free lunch and to get Staff t-shirts. From there I headed up to my sister's house, as she is dog sitting my brother's "puppy" Koda. He needed lunch and to go out, so I volunteered and got there around 1pm. Poor doggy had to go out so badly! And he scarffed down his lunch in mear seconds, I swear. It was nuts. But I let him run around for about 45 minutes, before putting him back in the crate and leaving.

Oh, and cats don't like dogs. I know this because when Koda was outside, Chris' cat JC decided to sneak out, so I picked him up to put him inside. Koda came a little too close and JC started to scratch air, me, and anything else in his way. I have a lovely, 5-inch long line of marks that resembles Morse Code. Oh, and I bled a lot. Yeah...that was cool. NOT.

Now I'm home, and contemplating a nap. I forgot how hard it is to get up early, be enthusiastic and stand around for hours at a time. OY!

Current Music: The Freshman - The Verve

06/17/04, 12:37am.
I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up...
Long, hard, first real day of camp orientation. Tomorrow is another long day, but it will be decorating the room and stuff, so fun. And we get to be at our sites, which is a party in itself. I napped this afternoon, and I'll probably need to nap tomorrow too!

Tonight, I went to Maplewood for some soccer with the boys, but I don't do soccer so I didn't really participate as much as commentate and talk to people and get in the way. After, we went to Rob's where I lost $5 in Poker. I came in 3rd out of 5, so not too bad.

Now I'm home. And I shall gratuitously post some song lyrics that are plaguing my mind this evening.

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that.
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had.
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope,
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed.
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear,
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag.

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up.
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope.
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope.
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy.

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Current Music: Paper Bag - Fiona Apple

06/15/04, 11:45pm.
You act surprised love, are you...?
I'd be surprised if my wishes came true...

Today was the first day of camp training. Good stuff happened. I'm in Susie's room, with Zoe and a few people I know from last year. Will be quite good. Mo is also back at Wilmot, but Leslie got moved to Walden. :-(

Had dinner with Crystal the elder. Was good. Miss him too much when he's gone.

Organized a frisbee game at Maplewood. Patty, Chazz, Jason, John, Mulder, me, Candace and Christina all played. Was good!

Picked up Becca to see Laws of Attraction at Buffalo Grove's dollar Tuesdays. I can handle a movie for a dollar. It works for me. Zoe joined us a little after it started, coming late from summer theatre.

Now I'm home, tired, feeling lonely after a romantic comedy and dreading the fact that I have to get up at 7:15 for work tomorrow. BOO! And it's a long day. 8:30am-3:30pm. OY!

To bed for me. Please don't wake unless you have a Pierce Brosnan wanting to have mad, passionate sex with me. That I would lose sleep over.

Current Music: What You Wish For - Guster

06/15/04, 2:47am.
To her that ain't nothin', but to me that means everything...
Another long day of doing nothing. In fact, I can't remember what I did for half of the day. I was on the computer. Doing...something. Not reading, not writing. I honestly can't remember.

This evening, I went to my Aunt Kate's house so she could pin up the bridesmaid's dress in a few places. She will cut and hem, etc in the next week. Then we all went to dinner at Chili's.

Came home and continued to be unproductive. Played around with making fun icons for my LiveJournal, which I'm kinda starting to use again. Meh, I guess we'll see how that goes. Especially in conjunction with this. So hard to balance one site with another.

Zoe came over for a bit, and I helped her set up some stuff on her Journal so it's prettier and she has fun mood icons, etc. All good.

Now I'm going to bed. This is my last late night in a while, as I start work tomorrow. Luckily it's a short day, and late. 2:30-4:30pm. Schweet.

Current Music: She Talks to Angels - The Black Crowes

06/14/04, 12:11am.
If you fall, I'll pick you up...
Standby baby. Baby...go.

Only a handful of people get that, but yeah. I should start at the very beginning, and thus, flashback to Friday. I hung out with Chris and Zoe for a bit of the day, running errands and such. I came home in order to host a little girls' night shindig. Good times, and a couple boys (Pat and Chazz) crashed later in the evening. Allie, Nikki, Caitlin, and Chazz slept over. Zoe, Amanda and Pat left before we crashed. Fun stuff.

Saturday was Do Crew Kickball day, which was a load of fun, but I got sunburned (badly) in an awful t-shirt patterned farmer's tan. One of these years I'll remember to use sunblock...

But all was fun and dandy there. Hung out with a bunch of people and it felt all good and comfortable. From there, I went home to throw together and overnight bag before heading up to Chris' house for Fayanne's Bachelorette party. 'Twas us five sisters, our cousin Stephanie, and two of Fa's friends, Stephanie and Becca. It was a good time and a lot of good food. Emily is such a good cook. I should start cooking more. In the fall, we'll have to. So good.

I slept over there and Chris, Emily, Fayanne and I had breakfast this morning, and then joined Mom and the kids for some shopping. Was quite uneventful, but fine. Ended up back at Chris' and I wasted some time there before a dinner outing with friends (Zoe, Candace, Johnson, Molly and Raven). Fazoli's of course, so it was nice and close to where I was. After that, Zoe and I went straight to Rivertree to see Saved.

And finally, we are caught up to now. Saved while starting with a lot of, and often inserting crazy Christian extremism for a laugh, redeemed itself at the end with a positive message of tolerance and beautiful tableau of love, in all varieties. I will definitely own it later.

Now I am home, contemplating life's big questions. Seriously.

Current Music: Call and Answer - Barenaked Ladies

06/10/04, 9:36pm.
It's a new dawn, it's a new day...
Thoughts on MTV Movie Awards:

Good "Breakthrough Female" category. Lindsay Lohan, Scarlett Johansson and Kiera Knightly. There was also the girl from Thirteen and Jessica Biel (who I don't think should be considered "breakthough" even if it was her first movie. She's been on TV for ages).

Shia LeBouf...so cute.

Christian Agularia. Skank as usual. And her hair looks stupid (as usual).

Halle Berry's long hair rocks. She looks uber cute.

YAY JOHNNY DEPP! We all know he deserved the Oscar. Soooooo pretty. Sooooo good. Stupid Vanessa Paradis.

Jack Black looked like he was going to cry! How cute. And he's wearing a "Vote Kerry" tee-shirt. Rock.

Side note: I almost want to make a shirt that says "Bush Dick 04"

Jack Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst = SO CUTE!

Eminem dressed as Axl Rose. HEH! I wonder if he'll suck like Axl does now.

Another side note: I really want to see Saved, even though it's supposed to take a lot of cheep shots at Christian fundamentalists. Jena Malone and Patric Fugit! EEP!

Kirsten Dunst touching Ellen's "ta-ta"s. Hee hee!!!

EEEEEE! DOM! I love me some hobbity Dom! Sean Astin is adorable and wearing John Kerry stickers.

And I'm spent.

Current Music: Feeling Good - Nina Simone

06/10/04, 1:50am.
Every step you take...
Ever look in the mirror and honestly shock yourself with the person looking back. Sometimes it's a good surprise: looking more mature or finding just that right feature to make you smile about your appearance for a change.

There there are the times when flaws become the only apparent thing, and something just isn't right.

Yeah, it's more the latter.

And what's with my eyes being so dark? Most people don't know this, but my eyes are mostly green. There is a dark gray border around each iris before the green starts. I only have a little bit of brown which stretches from the green to the pupil. Yet from far away, they look entirely brown.

Dammit, my eyes are green!

Current Music: I'll Be Watching You - The Police

06/09/04, 8:38pm.
I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt and in the meantime I lost myself...
Random channel surfing. Almost stopped to watch Blazing Saddles, but decided I'd rather watch Spaceballs. So I kept turning. Larry King has the elder Bush and Barbara as guests, talking about Reagan. Tomorrow, Colon will be on. Some of the clips they show are so sad because near the end, Reagan just looked confused. 93 years old and Alzheimer's. I can tell you right now that I won't be hanging on for that long. Give me a good 75 and I'll be happy.

Also, the Bushes are articulate and sound intelligent. Sure, G.H.W stutters a bit in his Southern way, but it doesn't sound bad. What the hell happened to Dubbya?

Sox are losing. Ha ha.

YES! Billiards on ESPN 2. It's about time for something good. This woman is amazing. She's always on. Jeanette Lee. Always looking severe and wearing black. Good times.

Ah, commercial. Buzz-kill.

And back to Blazing Saddles. End credits. Damn.

Current Music: That Particular Time - Alanis Morissette

06/09/04, 1:49am.
Did you know, could you tell you were the only one...
Busy day, starting bright and early at 9:30am. Okay, so it's not all that early, but for me and my schedule these past weeks, it's darn impressive. I started the day (after checking email, etc. of course) with a 30 minute walk. Really good pace today. Well over a mile. And it was hot.

When I got home, I continued the sun exposure by washing my car in the driveway. Good times. It's all clean and pretty now. The only glitch in the matrix is that a ton of tiny scratches have been appearing on my trunk lid. Boo. I don't know if they can be buffed out or what...but I want them gone.

Then I cooled down by drinking an insane amount of water and taking a nice shower. I lazed for a long while, watching random episodes of Law & Order and Star Trek: TNG. No comments please. I started watching Wet Hot American Summer, but it was edited and cut a lot so I decided to head over to Caitlin's, where we sat out in the sun for a while before heading in to be lazy together. Much talking and Bittner came over, but I was called home to go shopping.

Bridesmaid shoes have been purchased and will be dyed in 7 to 10 business days. Mine are strappy with a low 2 1/4" heal. Funny how they feel like flats. *sigh* Society's standards.

After, yummy dinner was had and I came home to watch Gilmore Girls. Missing the one that actually aired, I took pleasure in viewing an episode that is living on my hard drive.

Caitlin came over and we began to watch Spirited Away. Good, but a little too obvious of a message and a lot of things that I would have done differently, had it been my film. Slowly, we were joined by more people, starting with Zoe, then Mulder and finally Goldy and Patty (welcome home from college, silly quarter system kids). Movie was good and the rest of the night was spent chatting, until finally I kicked out the last of them due to my extreme exhaustion.

Whew. Long, tiring day. Tomorrow is still unknown, but I'll probably sleep in a bit later, considering I'm up so much later.

Oh, Mulder: you left your tuner (AGAIN) and this time, your cell phone is keeping it company. Loser. :-p

Current Music: My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow

06/07/04, 8:47pm.
Donít think that I can take another empty moment...
Happy Birthday, Charlie!

That said, I had a busy weekend. Traveling 5 and a half hours up to the UP of Michigan on Friday, we met up with the rest of the 20-ish people immediate family for some around the campfire time. Cooked marshmellows, etc. Then went back to the hotel to sleep.

Saturday was the actual party. It rained almost the entire day, but it could have been worse, and we had the big tent. Fun was had, lots of family time. It was a long day, starting at 11am, and not ending for about 12 hours. Lunch, dinner, desert and a late-night hot dog cook resulted in a lot of food, and exhaustion. Another sleep at the hotel.

Oh, but we're not done yet. Arriving the next day bright and early at 9am, we sat around for a while and chatted until lunch, finally got on the road at 1pm.

Constant motion all weekend. Damn. But it wasn't quite over yet. I didn't even step foot in the house when I got home. I got directly in my car to pick up Caitlin and Zoe, and we went to see HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban. My second time, and definitely not the last. I thought it was wonderful and definitely my favorite so far. Can't wait for the 4th movie or 6th book, though right now it's hard to say which will be coming first. *grump*

Another sour note, I had to wake up early this morning so I could do my 30 minutes before gyne appointment. Yuck yuck yuck. So I came home and crashed for damn-near 3 hours. Today is a wasted day...only used to recover from the weekend.

Damn.

Current Music: Bed of Lies - Matchbox Twenty

06/04/04, 11:26am.
But who's it hurting now...?
First off...Harry Potter = SOOOO GOOD!

Secondly, Happy Birthday, Jason Crystal.

Third, I'm leaving for Iron Mountain, MI (in the UP) for my cousin's graduation party. I'll be gone the rest of today, Saturday and part of Sunday. See you then!

Current Music: This Grudge - Alanis Morissette

06/03/04, 12:33pm.
Can I get my punk-ass off the street...
My thoughts on Holy Cross:
Those have to be some self-reliant kids. They need to work together with kids older than themselves, and learn all their social skills on their own. Because the 80 year old nuns aren't going to be their kickball pitcher, nor will they be much use in teaching regular social interactions.

Also, there is nothing quite as funny as a 5th grader singing about her "milkshake." The girl has no mojo, nor does she have anything to "shake" and there's no way in hell that she's bringing all the boys to her yard.

Ponder that for a while, and enjoy.

Current Music: Graduate - Third Eye Blind

06/03/04, 11:14am.
Go here and play with the Absolut advertisement. It's fricking amazing!

Oh, and feel free to read a little about OPEC while you're there. And if the Absolut thing isn't there when you go, then uh...search around a bit until it is? ;-)

Easily amused,
Me

P.S. - Happy Birthday, Candace! *mwah*

06/02/04, 7:45pm.
They've kept me locked in my own cell...
I've been linked to (in a post!) by the elusive Jason Crystal! *feels special*

:-p

Welcome back to internet-land, Crystal.

Current Music: Excuses - Alanis Morissette

06/02/04, 1:10pm.
I apologize, if I made you feel bad. Seeing me so tense, no self-confidence...
When Carly demanded that I update my site, I figured it would be a small little task. Then I realized that it's an entirely new month, and while copying and pasting into a new page isn't that much work, it was more than I expected. *sigh* You better know that I love you, Carlotta.

I'm still on my walking/running routine, though running doesn't start for another couple days. Hopefully the hotel in Iron Mountain, MI has a treadmill, since I don't think I can find a nice path like the one in Maplewood. Speaking of which, today it was overrun by kids in about the 2nd grade. Crazy. And the young teachers made me sad...kinda like sorority girls who haven't grown up. They think it's all about "me, me, me" and unfortunately for them, in a teaching possition...it is not at all about the "me" but about the "you." Poor sluts.

The past couple days I've been expanding my mind and reading a lot. Well...I've been reading. The expanding minds thing might be a little off because I've been reading the Parley Archive. Mmm...Pirates fan-fic (*cough*slash*cough*). Yeah, so it's smutty. It's entertaining me in the long hours I spend at home, not having a job and doing little. It has to be better than watching stupid TV shows.

And that's about it. I plan to make myself to rice for lunch in a bit, then continue a fun little story. Jack/Barbossa which is kinda creepy, but alright. More people should write Jack/Bootstrap Bill...cause you know they weresoinlove. Fandoms are creepy, but I love them so.

;-)

Current Music: The Winner Takes it All - ABBA