01/31/04, 2:39pm.
And she swears there's nothing wrong, I hear her playing that same old song...
Long night last night. Everyone has been in such bad moods recently, I blame it on the snow and lack of sun. Winter blues, not enough saratonin, and all that jazz. But then I had a 4 hour long conversation with Annie until 7:45 this morning, and it just felt so good. For all the talking that goes on here, rarely are things actually said.

Today I have to go to the library to make copies of microfilms from the 50's for two papers I have coming up. I should also go get the things out of my car, but I don't really have a way to get there. I forgot about that, so I'm hoping that maybe I can do it tomorrow?

So much shit to do.

Other than all that, I guess things are going. Not well, but not horribly. Just going. Living for the weekend, and then once I get here, I feel like I waste it and dread the week again. I need something to make this all bearable. I haven't felt this badly in a while and it scares me that I have so little motivation. Defintely not something I need.

If this were a day last year, I would grab my keys, get in my car, and drive up to my sister Chris's apartment and spend the day hanging with her and Zoe, watching movies and eating baked mostaccoli. Having a lazy, comfortable day. I wish I had that now. But the car is gone, and mommy now possesses the keys to the apartment, and I'm 4 and a half hours away, instead of 20 minutes. (12 on a good day. I made that trek a lot.) Those are a lot of barriers to get over. And I have work to do. Like going to the library and cleaning out my car of all my possessions that live there. Like Peter Pandapatomus and my "emergency kit" with jumper cables and a ton of other shit that I will probably never use. Either way, it's important that I get it all back.

Well, I guess I should drag my butt out to actually do work. Work stinks.

Current Music: Bad Day - Fuel

01/30/04, 12:52pm.
...
I don't deserve my mother. She says Daddy found an ad in the paper for new 2004 Nissan Altimas. They are probably going to be getting me a new car. Not a new used car...new. I mean, it's going to be my college graduation present, a few years early...but still. I don't deserve them. But I'm definitely not holding my breath, because I know well enough than to get my hopes up.

I have french now, with a listening quiz. Boo. And then English. Then I'm done for the weekend. Ahh...nice. I'm ready for it. Tonight I might be catching a comedy show that this guy in my English class is in. Other than that, no plans.

Time for class. Opa.

Current Music: Something opera-ish coming from Katie's computer. Possibly Peter Grimes.

01/28/04, 8:44pm.
He thinks about her now and how he never really wept...
I finished my Finite all by myself. It wasn't that hard, I just had to change my thinking around a bit. *sigh* Math.

Had a couple quizzes today. Art History was kinda crappy. I got the dates wrong on both identifications (off by 2 and then 9 years), and I didn't know how to define "pictoral space." I don't quite know if my iconography interpretation was correct either. But oh well. It shouldn't be worth too much. Then in French, I think I did alright, but I've never really been good with avant que, avant de, apres que, en, apres, avant, and pendent que. Oh well. I think I did everything right. The verbs always trip me up. One of them uses subjunctive, and I'm still not sure which.

English was incredibly painful today, and I don't know why. Maybe because it was sunny today for the first time in a very long time and I was getting antsy. I need sedatives before that class, I swear to it.

I'm just finishing up laundry now. And I should do some reading for Hollywood II and Advertising in Consumer Culture, but I'm not really in the mood. My tummy hurts. Dinner was greasy, and I'm anxious. Soon the stress will leave, right?

To bed early tonight, I think.

Current Music: The Freshman - Verve Pipe

01/27/04, 3:54pm.
She jumped the turnstile, he paid for his ride...
When it rains...it pours.

Karma is having a field day with me, and I'm not sure why. I'm repenting right now...if you can repent to karma. I'm sorry! I'll never do it again!!!

Well, in case you haven't heard, my car was in an accident yesterday. I wasn't in the car, I had lent it to Steve and Carl to use. No one was hurt, which is the good part, and insurance is covering every end.

But my car is totalled. The damages definitely exceeded the $1100 blue-book value. The value the insurance company doesn't take into account is the value of having a vehical that moves. And $1100 will not get that back.

So my past 24 hours have been filled with numerous phone calls to my mom, emails back and forth, talking to insurance companies on both ends, and faxing accident reports. Because I obviously don't have enough work to do with school, I need the added stress and difficulty.

At least no one was injured.

So this weekend, I'll be heading to the holding yard to take all my shit out of Baby. I think I might cry. And take some farewell pictures. I wonder if I can keep the license plates. Or steering wheel, or something. It wasn't a great car, it wasn't even a nice car. But it was mine for the past 2 and a half years, and she drove me to school every day last year, and she hauled my ass to hell and back on a whim, and she was paid off, and she was mine. My ticket to freedom when I had no where else to turn. Driving relaxes me, and that was the greatest gift she ever brought.

But I'm just being silly because it was only a car. I know I need a new one, but for all intensive purposes, I don't really want to waste the money. As if college weren't enough, now the parents have to start more car payments?? 4 more years of monthly vehical bills, along with tuition. And to add insult to injury, I was calculating the cost of the apartment for next year, along with how much I'm expecting to make this summer at camp. And I come up nearly $3000 short. I forgot how little camp paid. And the apartment isn't cheap, either. $405 a month for 12 months...$4850. Camp is only $1800...at most $2400 if I get a site director position.

And to throw a little more salt in the wounds, I have no money. No dollars, and a bank account that after the recent overdraw incident, I'm afraid to use. I guess Karma wanted me to learn to be frugal, as well as to appreciate what I have and to learn how to juggle classes, money, time, effort, stress and all that other fun stuff. I know that I can, but add in the fact that it's the last week in January, and I'm ready to just walk away and let everything fall at once.

Well, I guess the good news, is that I have no english or French homework that is due tomorrow. I have to study for my Art History quiz, as well as for a French quiz on the passe compose. Oh, and tonight I have a film viewing of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Odds Against Tomorrow. Maybe I can get some work done during those. I have a few papers due in the next week and a half.

Here's hoping the snow stops soon.

Current Music: Rockabye - Ani DiFranco

01/25/04, 10:56pm.
I felt he found my letters and read each one aloud...
Note to Limewire: When I want Roberta Flack singing "Killing Me Softly," that does not mean I want the Lauren Hill version. I'm sorry, try again.

Did you know there is a National Coffee Association? Learn something new every day, I suppose.

I finished my English annotation. I'm writing about coffee as a fad, in the same realm as blue jeans, SUVs and cell phones. Opa.

I'm tired and my back hurts. The stress today has been overwhelming. It's now bedtime.

Current Music: Killing Me Softly - Lauren Hill

01/25/04, 6:23pm.
...
Shittiest day ever, party of one?

I had a good weekend, visiting Zoe at Miami of Ohio. We saw Win a Date With Tad Hamilton, which was cute and Topher Grace is simply precious. We hung around with Caitlin and her friends on Saturday night, which was surprisingly fun. Just overall, a good time.

Then we wake up this morning and when we're getting ready to head to breakfast, we notice it's snowing. And by the time we're done with breakfast, a half hour later, there's already a thick inch on the ground. So I decide to leave early, rather than later. I hit the road at 12:55pm.

Then it started snowing worse. It got harder, the drifts got bigger. For the first hour, it wasn't horrible though, because the roads weren't getting covered. Then slowly it was getting worse, and the traffic was going slower. Nothing was plowed. Not 465 around Indy, not I-37 to Bloomington. There were 10 miles in the last 150 that was plowed. We were driving single-file, going not more than 35 mph. For hours. It was taking so long, and it was the scariest experience ever. And I couldn't stop it, because I had a destination, and I still had miles to go. There were times when the cars were stopped, literally parked on the road for 15 minutes while an accident a quarter mile ahead was cleared up. I received phone calls from my mother and my roommate, worried about where I was.

When I finally hit Bloomington, it was 5:55pm. The 2 and a half hour trip from Oxford, Ohio had taken 5 LONG hours. It was absolutely horrible and have no intention of leaving the dorm for the rest of the night. How I will get my car back to the stadium, I don't know. How I will get dinner, I don't know. But I am not going back out there.

Current Music: Nothing.

01/21/04, 9:19pm.
I can see the sunshine for me, myself and I...
Another slow day. Well, 3 long and tough classes, but I'm liking French more and more because he's really forgiving and I feel like I know most of what we're doing. In english, Lela and I were being 6th graders and passing notes to each other. But it made the class interesting.

I went through and put down all my tests, quizes and major assignments in my assignment book, and there's a LOT of shit. Like...at least two a week for the next semester. As many as 5, with tests and long papers. Oy. Loooooong semester ahead. Just gotta take it day by day.

I'm planning to get to bed a bit early. I have 6 straight hours of class after class. 4 of them. 3 long lectures. And my art discussion. Hopefully it'll be more engaging than the lectures, which have been sucking lately. Giles is not a good teacher. Maybe I'll do some reading and then hit the hay. Exhaustion is not good.

Current Music: My Myself and I - Beyonce

01/20/04, 8:24pm.
You speak of your love for one as I clumsily strummed my guitar...
Sitting in my film screening. Just finished watching On the Waterfront, which was alright, but I've never been a big Brando fan. I should actually watch The Godfather...maybe it would change my mind. Lee J Cobb was awesome as usual. Should watch 12 Angry Men again soon. Next up is Jailhouse Rock. We'll see if I watch it more than the last one. I was finishing up French homework for tomorrow and the math that I have due on Thursday. I hope I got all of those answers right, because I can't fill in the WeBWorK here...still no internet connection in the classrooms. Oh well.

I'm tired. And I've been stressed lately. Too much work, not enough sleep. I need time to relax, maybe a vacation. The plan is to visit Zoe next weekend, and I might head home the weekend after that, depending on the kind of work I have around that time.

I called the bank earlier and got some of the stuff cleared up. I still have to pay the $60 overdraft charge, and to fix their error about the overdraft policy, I have to go to the Bank One branch in Deerfield. Oh, thanks. That's really convenient, considering it's 4 AND A HALF HOURS AWAY. Fuckers.

But they transferred funds so I can use the account again. I'll be able to put the deposit down on the apartment as soon as I get back out to the Commons. And I finished my letter to Karrie at the Park District so I'll get my camp job back for the summer. Hopefully I'll get to be a Site Director so I can make more money, but since it's unlikely in my 2nd year, I'm already considering a second job. *sigh* Money sucks.

Elvis is a huge dork, and this movie is not so great. Oh well. Who needs a quality film when you can have stupid entertainment. And I only have a little over an hour left. Thank god. Tuesdays and Thursdays are hard.

Current Music: Foolish Games - Jewel (in head)

01/20/04, 12:49pm.
...
Another thrilling lecture in Finite Mathematics, that I unfortunately have to attend on the off-chance that this babbling math geek decides to give us a quiz. I want to be back in the dorm!

This morning I woke up at 9am. And had 10 minutes to get my ass out the door because of my 9:30 class. I did manage to shower and wash my hair before running frazzled out of the dorm. Yeah, that sucked monkey butt.

And now I'm in my 4th straight hour of class and I don't think I can take it anymore. I'm so tired, I was literally falling asleep in Consumer Culture, which is sad because I think the class is very intriguing and I respect the professor a great deal. I might nap through Finite though. I see no point in staying conscious.

In better news, yesterday we signed the lease for our apartment!!! It's official, we have a gorgeous 4 bedroom, 2 bath, fully furnished and new, with all utilities including cable and internet for the fee of $405 a month per person. We also have it for a whole year, so I can stay next summer, if I want to take classes or whatever. Fun stuff.

I almost feel compelled to listen to this Bill Gates-esque dork babble, as it would be a waste of good money to sleep through class. But then again, I'm tired.

Current Music: Nothing. Boo-hoo.

01/19/04, 2:37am.
I used to think that I could just sit and wait for the times...
I can't believe it's already Sunday night. Yesterday we went Krogering and hung around, watching a few "god" movies. Bruce Almighty and then Dogma. After, we had an amazing long in-depth conversation. Aye, it was exhausting.

Today I felt a little odd in the morning, so I took my car and spent a couple hours chilling at Barnes reading The DaVinci Code, which I'll finish when I get the $17 to buy it. Then I wandered the aisles of Best Buy for a long while. Got back to the dorm empty-handed around 3:30. I napped, and we hung around. Ordered pizza tonight, watched Eddie Izzard, played cards including poker. Then took a midnight trip to Wal-Mart for Scrabble, Life, Taboo and Pictionary. We're so stocked now. Two "intellectual" nights in a row. Maybe there IS more to college...

I miss good old fashioned knowledge, learning and brainwork. Whether wasted on playing along with Jeopardy on TV or sitting through an enlightening class.

Well, I have to be up early to go sign the lease for our apartment. We'll see how 6 hours of sleep goes. Then I'll be doing laundry and homework all day. Sounds thrilling, huh?

Current Music: Halfway Home - Jason Mraz

01/17/04, 12:26pm.
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not for me...
Bitch! Bank One online won't let me transfer funds. So I tried over the phone and spent about 10 minutes setting up an account by phone and tried to transfer the funds that way. It didn't work. And the fucking banks close at noon on Saturday. AHHHHH!

So my checking has $-77.08 and I won't be able to write a check for the apartment deposit because I have no money! FUCKTARDS!

*sigh* So this is not a good start to the day. I was planning on getting breakfast for lunch, Krogering (mmm...groceries), going to Old Navy to spend gift cards, maybe heading to Barnes and Noble to spend gift check, putting the deposit down at the apartment and watch West Wing. That was going to be my day. Good fun stuff. But no. Now I'm just pissed off.

>:o

Current Music: You and I Both - Jason Mraz

01/17/04, 1:12am.
Caught herself a rocket-ride out of this gutter, she's never coming back, I fear...
Eventful night last night, but we'll ignore that and pretend everything is fine now. 7th Floor is going to J-Board so all is settled...

I wish it were next year already...so we could be in our apartment. That would be nice. Speaking of which, I sign papers tomorrow!!!

Tonight we just hung around a lot. Nice and quiet. Then we watched the classic musical, Rocky Horror Picture Show and discussed how we must go see it at a midnight showing. Good stuff.

Now I'm chilling. Contemplating sleep and talking to Patty and Becca. I live a dull life, my friends.

Current Music: Amy Hit the Atmosphere - Counting Crows

01/15/04, 12:44pm.
...
Entirely disappointing. I am sitting in class before Finite and madly hoping that I would be able to connect to the internet so that I may spend my 75 minutes doing something more productive than Pre-Algebra. Like talking to friends or maybe even shopping!

Actually, I was planning to do my Finite homework that will be due next Tuesday, but alas, I am picking up a signal, but am unable to "connect to server." I know there's a way, and I'm just doing something wrong...but I can't figure it out. So now I guess my only option is to do my Hollywood II readings in class, since my attendence is required. Fuckers.

Had two interesting classes this morning. Hollywood II and Advertising. We discussed Notorious in more detail, which was nice because I basically knew everything Intro to Media last semester. Such a good film, I want to buy the Criterion DVD.

Which brings me to my next point. I want to start becoming frugal with my money. I know, I've said it a lot, but this time I want to make it happen. I told my mom that I would be making the apartment deposit myself ($200) and I'm hoping that if I can save the money from working at Summer Camp this summer, I can make all the rent payments myself as well. $465 a month, all ultilities included. It's the least I can do, especially with the parents paying for tuition, and food and my cell phone bill.

Well, I'm going to write my letter of intent to be a site director this summer. More money is always good! And Karrie wants them in by February.

Current Music: Babylon - David Gray (in head)

01/15/04, 12:18am.
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name...
I love friends. I love my friends from home. I talked to Allie for over an hour today, and I'm on the phone now with Zoe. I spoke briefly with Patty online, and I ended with "I miss you" and I really do. I miss them all so much.

Despite all this, school is going well. Annie came home tonight, which was so uber exciting. We all missed her so much. I had a bit of good conversation with her and Lela later, and Lela and Ross after that. Good stuff.

Lots of homework. Want to do it, but no motivation. I hope we sign the lease for our apartment soon.

Current Music: Flinch - Alanis Morrisette

01/12/04, 1:44am.
And you could see daisies in her footsteps...
Back and school and this is my first post. We got in on Saturday around 6pm...Katie, Lela and I drove down together in my car. It was some good times. We got back to a practically deserted floor, we were 3 of maybe 9 total. Chad came up later after we did our grocery shopping and we all sat around and hung out that night. We found out that Erik (with a K...duh) moved out to A tower and our RA Jackie quit. My theory is that she had a mental breakdown due to us, but our new RA, Symone, is so awesome. Good times ahead, I hope.

This morning, we woke up earlyish to go buy books. I'm getting Lela's old Finite books and Katie's English books, and French is the same books from last semester. So I only had to buy 8! For a grand total of about $200.

We spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for people to get in and greeting them. Annie still isn't here...she's very ill with mono. Becca came in late, and sick. She's currently pretty flu-ish. I'm worried for the health levels on this floor, but I'm currently feeling too good about being back.

Tomorrow starts classes, so I'm going to get to bed. I love you all, back home or at school. Sleep well my kiddles.

Current Music: Kate - Ben Folds (in head)

01/10/04, 12:37am.
There's got to be someone you can trust out here among us...
The final hurrah is finished. I had a good time at school earlier, getting to talk to Mr. Lynn for a substancial amount of time, and Mr. Huff for a bit. Of course, saw Eric and hung out with the crew after school. Zoe and I stayed there until it was time for me to come home for dinner and her to go out with the rest of the kids. I'm disappointed that I couldn't go with them, but family deserves my time too.

After dinner, I played some rounds of poker with my mom, sister Chris, brother Dave and sister-in-law Katie, sister Emily and niece Zoe. I actually did surprisingly well. I guess it's all in what you're dealt though. At 9, Becca called me and shortly after, Zoe did to tell me people were chilling at her house. I picked up Becca and we joined Zoe...only briefly and then a few of us broke off to go to Blockbuster. Whitney called as we were leaving, so she met up with me, Becca, Zoe and Laura at my house while we watched the movie. People had to get home for curfew at midnight, and I realized that I had to say my goodbyes. *sigh*

I leave tomorrow around noon. I just spent some time packing up clothes and other stuff that I brought home. Though I don't think there was much more than the clothes. DVDs don't take up much space, and then there's my computer. That's it really. It's nice.

I'm not ready to leave, but I know it's time to go back. And I have a lot to do once I'm down there, so it will be nice to have all of Sunday. I have to buy groceries and random Target stuff. Probably spend some of my Old Navy gift cards on new pants and other fun stuff. I also have to buy my books. 6 courses is going to hurt. But I'll suck it up and put it on the bursar bill and worry about it the next time I'm home and mama complains about the expenses of school. I'm sorry things are so expensive. Maybe I should have gone in state...

Well anyway. I have some more to do tonight before I hit the hay, so I'll get to that now. I know there was something I wanted to write about, but I have no idea what it is now. I am very tired. And I need my rest for all the driving tomorrow. I can't get over the feeling that I'm forgetting something. I hate that. I don't want to be leaving something behind. I need to start feeling better.

Current Music: Three Marlenas - The Wallflowers

01/09/04, 1:28pm.
And you could but you don't want to stay...
Taking a break from West Wing...crazy, I know. In about 45 minutes, I'll be heading back to the high school with Zoe and then spending the afternoon with our youngins.

I leave tomorrow. Whoa. Break flew by, especially this last week. I wish I had more time here, but I'm going to have to get back into the groove of school. Classes start on Monday. I'm excited for them, and nervous at the same time.

Arg, I have to get over this cold. I have a headache, runny nose and sore throat. I need some tea. Mmm...Tazoberry Tea! Tazo is my hero...

I'm currently listening to The Redwalls, whose CD I just received in the mail today. Good stuff. Very Beatles-esque. To the point where I, a Beatles deficent music listener, wouldn't be able to tell the difference if you shuffled the songs together. Plus, it's just cool that I know people who have a CD released. Hot shit.

Alright, I'm going to go chill for a bit and wait for Zoe's phonecall.

Current Music: Colorful Revolution - The Redwalls

01/09/04, 1:18am.
...
Mmm...so interesting. West Wing about capital punishment and the death penalty. Such a jarring issue, and so difficult to find a stance on. For me at least. The Bible (and Torah) say that "thou shalt not kill," and yet also claim "an eye for an eye." So if one man kills another, can he then be killed.

The man in this episode killed two drug kingpins, as well as being a major drug trafficker. He did many illegal things, and being involved in drugs makes him a "bad man" in many people's eyes. So does he deserve to die?

In this case, he's already been convicted and sentenced, but it's up to Bartlet to decide whether or not he should commute the sentence. I think Charlie put it the best when Bartlet asked what happened to the man who killed his mother. Charlie explains that the man was never caught and had he been, Barlet asks, would Charlie have wanted the man to get the death penelty. "I wouldn't want to see him executed, Mr. President. I'd wanna do it myself." (Take This Sabbath Day)

And there is the conflict. No person deserves to die. No family deserves to lose someone. When you've felt loss, you understand that. But then again, you've felt loss and you want to avenge that. And at the end, you are indecisive. And Bartlet allows the capital punishment by default that he didn't call in time. He couldn't make up his mind, and time ran out.

Vengence. Justice. What is there to do?

Well, that concluded the 15th episode of season one. Only 7 more to go, but not tonight, my dears. I need sleep.

Current Music: A cantor singing in the background on West Wing

01/08/04, 9:18pm.
...
Lazy evening and becoming a lazy night. I like it though. I fixed up some inconsistencies in the site design. Fixed some page headers and changed the main headers to match the buttons.

I took a nap earlier. Then woke up for dinner with the parents, my brother and sister-in-law. Now I sit on my basement couch and watch more episodes of The West Wing. SOOOOOOOO good. Always. Danny makes me smile every time he walks on the screen. Josh and Sam crack me up...especially when they chest-bump while calling each other "the man." And it shouldn't surprise me that Season One is amazing. Because almost every single episode from this season was written by Aaron Sorkin. There are a few collaborative efforts, but only one episode in which Sorkin did not have a hand. Not saying that he is the end all and be all of good West Wing writing, but he does help it along quite a lot. More than help.

Sorkin is my hero. That is all.

Back to West Wing. "The Short List" down, and "In Excelsis Deo" just starting.

Current Music: None.

01/08/04, 2:10pm.
Must have been hard to see through the tears she was hiding...
As you have probably noticed, I did some changing of the site. It's not as chaotic now, but still uses color. It's basic, but classy and coherent. I somewhat like it. My main issues is that the font I used for all of my .gif images does not match the font of the content. And if you know me and my web design at all, you know that consistency is something that is a must and using too many different colors or fonts, or designs or anything just pisses me off to no end.

I don't know if I like the header. SO plain. Might change that up soon. I also feel like I should have some sort of actual content. I also need to fix up the Forest 5B pages. Badly. They need work. I've been meaning to title pictures for ages and everything there seems really disorganized. Maybe later.

Oh, and Katie and Chad left around noon. Hense the fact that I've been spending time on web design (if you can even call it that).

I have a headache. I think it's from dehydration. I'm going to get myself some water and then figure out if I want to spend another couple hours staring at my 12" screen and fighting my way through HTML code. Mmmm...

Current Music: Victoria - John Mayer

01/08/04, 1:25am.
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same...
Yesterday and today have both been quite excellent. Katie and Chad came up around 3pm on Tuesday and we hung around and did some catching up before getting an early Chili's dinner (paid for by mommy. YES!) and then we went to see 21 Grams with Zoe and Steve...who incidentally could get us in for free. Opa!

21 Grams. Whoa. Excellent film. Very intense, VERY charged. Non-linear, but not too hard to follow. It's so interesting how the mind tries to associate sequential images. Hard to break the idea of chronology and in this case, even harder to find the order and try to guess the ending. I will recommend it to all, but be aware. INTENSE.

We came back to "settle down" and watched X-2, another awesome film. Not Oscar-worthy by any stretch of the imagination, but still so entertaining. I found some plot holes, but right now, I can't really think of them.

Today was simply amazing. I spent the day hanging out with Eric in the theatre spaces at school. I sat in on 3 of his classes and hung around with him for the other 5 periods. Did some formatting of data, very reminiscent of my STUNTS producing days. Plus, I got to see some of the coolest kids ever. I love my young friends who are unfortunately stuck in the confines of "high school." Little do they know, I would love to be able to be back there with them, hanging out and seeing them on a daily basis. Taking classes with teachers who really care about students and learning. I got to talk to Huff today, and I remembered just how fabulous of a teacher he is. I hate economics. US History is one of the most BORING subjects ever. But I loved every single minute of those classes because he made learning interesting and engaging. He's a great teacher and an even better man. I would love to be able to just sit down and talk with him for hours. And that's one of the things I miss about high school. I hung out with teachers. I respected them entirely, and I respect them enough to tell them my honest opinions and speak candidly with them. I actually miss that in college, which seems almost ironic.

Anyway. Basically, it was just awesome to see mes amis au lycee as well as get to spend the entire day with Eric. Another great man and huge influence in my life. One of the biggest and most important, in fact. Maybe I'm not as ready to grow up as I thought...

Tonight, Chad and Katie were going down to dinner and Blue Man Group, so I went to dinner with my parents and niece, then met up with Zoe, Rob and Garvey at Barnes and Noble. There ended up being many other people there, including Schoey, and Ari. I had my first adventure in buying cigarettes tonight...no, not for me. But as thanks for getting them, Zoe and I each got one and smoked them outside my house. We're so rebellious. While the taste left something to be desired, it felt so entirely natural to hold it and that in itself, is quite calming. It would be so easy to be a smoker, and if it wouldn't kill me, I probably would be. OH well. I think I like my lungs too much for that.

We came back here, watched The Big Easy in fast forward with Zoe Commentary, and then Chad and Katie returned and the four of us watched The Big Chill, which is quite an amazing movie. Not realistic, and even a bit uncomfortable at times. Probably my hatred of all things death and funeral related. Oh well, someday maybe I'll get over that too...

And now, I'm tired and really need to hit the hay before I fall asleep at this desk. Bon nuit, mes cheres. Je vous aime.

Current Music: One Headlight - Wallflowers

01/06/04, 2:04am.
She's always worried 'bout things like that...
It's a bit troubling, yet intriguing how when I ramble in my head, words like "antiquated" and "parenthetically" are used in regular rotation. When I get around to writing things, however, the eloquent speech disintegrates into the most common of linguistic prose...

Sad, but true. So now I'm left trying too hard to remember what words floated through my head only a moment ago and attempting to conjecture just what I intended to say here. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with nothing.

I have finished my West Wing marathon for the evening. I actually got through the first of 4 disks....so 1/4th of a season. I think it was 8 episodes including the pilot. And I started late...probably around 7:30 or 8. It's almost comforting to know that I can sit and watch over 6 hours of one show without my selective, teenaged, I'm-living-in-a-hyper-speed-society ADD affecting my concentration.

However, the last few episodes, I started to work on website stuff. Nothing important, just the pictures update that I've been meaning to do since the beginning of December. Whoops.

Now I'm too tired to stay up much longer, so I'm about to crash and burn. It's a good thing my bed is less than 3 feet away. Goodnight kiddles.

Current Music: 3AM (Piano Acoustic Version) - Matchbox 20

Sadly, this is what I've wasted my time on for the past hour. Mmmm... West Wing obsession...

01/05/04, 10:58pm.
But you don't really care for music do you...
Things I take for granted in life:
-How good West Wing is
-How West Wing has been great since the pilot episode
-How most pilots suck
-How Josh is amazing and I would do him in a heart beat
-How fabulous John Spencer is
-How Aaron Sorkin is my own personal god, and I will build idols and shrines despite how it's technically against the first commandment and how I'm technically still a Christian
-How "Big Block of Cheese Day" fucking rocks
-How CJ is the greatest woman portrayed on television (though this does falter in later seasons)
-How Toby is my hero and never ceases to amaze me
-How I used to like Sam, but I have since become bitter since he quit and now I cannot appreciate him the same. Sad
-How the second "Big Block of Cheese Day" in the episode "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail" was much better
-How I can watch 7 straight episodes of West Wing and still come crawling back for more
-How Diet Coke really isn't all that good, but it tastes better than water

Not everything in my life revolves around West Wing. :-p

And I'm going back to watching.

Current Music: Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

01/05/04, 7:10pm.
As weeks went by, it showed that she was not fine...
Today involved some heavy duty cleaning of my room. I removed all extraneous computer equipment which has been thoroughly useless since Crystal took the old Compaq to use as a server. I got rid of the old printer, and my VCR that has been rendered pointless as the TV is at school. Basically, I now have a hell of a lot of room. Which was quickly filled up with some more clutter, but at least it looks new and more organized.

I didn't quite get around to the rest of the basement as I had hoped. But then, there's always tomorrow. Katie and Chad aren't supposed to get in until around 4pm, so I have some time for finishing touches.

I just woke up from an over 2 hour nap. It was well-deserved due to the cleaning and the fact that I slept on the couch last night. I'm not entirely sure why, but I couldn't fall asleep in my bed. New sheets always mess me up. I think I'm going to spend the rest of tonight watching West Wing. I was going to do it today, but instead I went with Daddy to lunch and got motivated to clean. Funny how that happens, eh?

Another random tangent, I think I might switch up all the posters on my wall. I currently have NO wall space in my room, and a 4 new posters. So I think I'm going to decide what's coming to school and what's staying home, and organize accordingly. Perhaps I'll do that during West Wing.

Time to get back to "work."

Current Music: Brick - Ben Folds

01/04/04, 11:43pm.
Here goes nothing, and here it comes again...
Today was eventful, I suppose. Had lunch at Applebee's with Patty and Nikki. Then got picked up to see Big Fish with Zoe, Steve, his girlfriend Marina, and Nikki. It was SO VERY good. Billy Crudup fucking rocks. I love him so very much. Almost enough to watch Almost Famous right now. But I'm too tired for the whole thing. It was also have Frances McDormand though. And she also rocks my socks.

After the movie, Zoe came back home with me and we ate dinner while watching Bring It On on the WB. It's one of my horribly guilty pleasure movies. Especially since I adore and respect Kirsten Dunst so much. Afterward, we decided to watch Little Women, which features her at a much younger age. Isn't it crazy that she's only two and a half years older than me, and has already been in about 36 films, several of them being high quality and high profile.

I am now chilling around until I finally succumb to being too tired. Was chatting with Chad about him and Katie visiting soon. Got an email from Eric saying I could visit the Theatre 3,4 classes on Wednesday. So my week which was wide open and entirely empty, has suddenly become full. But 'tis alright indeed. Who needs to relax?

Current Music: Here Comes Horses - Tabitha's Secret

01/04/04, 12:21am.
I hate to say it but you're perfect together, so fuck you...
So much to do and say. So busy all the time. Oy.

Ran some errands today. Had a good lunch with Zoe, Libby, Nikki and Janet. Went to Walgreens and library. Stopped by the Sprint store momentarily. Didn't want to wait for help, so I went home. Then Mulder came around, and I stayed with him for a while. Then home for a brief time before going to Carly's.

Tonight was the 3rd annual surprise party for Jesus. It's the first that I had attended, but talking to Car-baby, she said that they were really feeling positive that Jesus would show up this year. He hadn't appeared for either of the other two. [Basically, it's just an excuse to get people together to hang out and such.] It was über fun, and was an awesome mix of people. Saw people like Annie and Suzie. And Nate, Nick, Zach. Both Crystals were there. Mel, Mini, Nicole. I hung out primarily with Jason at first, then Becca, Mel, and Carly later. GOOD times.

Now I'm home. And pensive. A bit tired, but able to stay awake. It can go either way at this point. Tomorrow, I'm lunching with Patty (and others?) before he heads off to school. I'm glad I have another week. I need it. Badly.

Current Music: Untouchable Face - Ani DiFranco

01/03/04, 2:01am.
A man could tell a thousand tales, I've learned my lesson well...
Today has been long, but good.

First, I woke up early this morning (9:30!) so that I could go with Allie, her mom, her sister and her sister's friend to the Art Institute of Chicago. SOOOOO good. The Manet and the Sea exhibit was fabulous, and of course I spent way too much money on a Manet poster, a Picasso poster (Guernica!), 4 vintage Chicago postcards and 4 11 x 14 prints. Overall, about $60 down the drain. Someday I will be sensible. Today was not that day. I love art far too much for that.

Then I had time for about an hour nap before picking up Amanda and Rob, and meeting Zoe, Libby, Nikki and Eric at Flat Top in Evanston for dinner. Good stuff but so filling! And expensive. Yikes. We sat around there for a long while, chilling and eating and talking. Then we walked down to Nevin's Live where we bought "tickets" or rather, a hand stamp to the show tonight. See, there's this little band called The Redwalls [www.theredwalls.com] that was playing at 11:30pm. Three of the members of The Redwalls went to high school with me, two of them were in my graduating class. I could not believe the turn out tonight of Deerfield people. Some who I could have handled not seeing, but others that it was cool to talk to again. I even saw a guy from school who was in my history class last semester.

The concert itself was very good. The two opening bands were pretty weak, but The Redwalls impressed me a great deal. In fact, I just ordered their CD from amazon.com. I know, I shouldn't be spending money...but I have a good feeling about these kids. The music is good and it has a different feel from a lot of the hard rock that's somewhat popular now. It seems to me that they could be the start of a new music movement. They were already signed to Capitol Records, so something has to be good. Do yourself a favor and look them up.

Now, I'm back home and super tired. I also reek of cigarette smoke and that musty bar smell, but it was quite worth it. I'll sleep well tonight, if my stomach stops hurting.

Current Music: Live to Tell - Madonna

01/01/04, 3:40pm.
Is this the love that I've been searching for...?
Last night's party was very good. Just what the doctor ordered...erm...or something like that. Was very tired this morning. Still am. Also hungry, so I'm partaking in a bit of lunch before my third turkey dinner in one week. Yes, we're having a New Year's turkey, because the turkey we were going to eat on Saturday was too frozen so Daddy had to buy a fresh one. And now we're having this one. Oy. So much turkey.

Often, people do New Year's resolutions. I haven't in a while, because the never seem to work out. If you're going to resolve to eat healthier or stop drinking caffeine, you have to be serious about it, and not just start on a day that everyone else is giving up things and trying to live a purer life.

Well, screw that. I like my life how I'm living it. I gave up caffeine for 2 years on my own accord. I've started drinking it again, because it's readily available at school. Home, I've barely had any. I'll probably give it up again because it doesn't do much for me anyway, and the taste isn't really worth it. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't drink heavily. There's nothing overly terrible in my life. It would be beneficial and good if I were to be more mindful of what I eat and perhaps work out...but I'm not going to start because today is the first day of a new year. That's just the calendar saying that we start our counting over again. Real changes come on random Tuesdays in the middle of the month of April. They can't be forced, they will happen.

Having said that, I resolve to be the best Gail that I can be. I will try to be the best sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, friend, student, roommate, and every other role I play. I resovle to be there when someone needs me, and I resolve to take care of myself so that I have the ability to be the best. And that's all I can really say for myself.

Current Music: Is This Love? - Whitesnake