02/26/05, 9:13pm.
And in my heart I see what you're doing to me....
My niece's birthday was today. It was actually very good. My sister Fayanne didn't make it up, but the rest of my siblings were around. And it wasn't a huge family ordeal, which is nice. I like the smaller parties. Less pressure, less attention. More intimate.

Things weren't all good, however. My father had to bring up living at the house in Spring Hill and commuting to Tampa for class every day. Which I not only don't want to do, but which doesn't make sense. The money I save in housing, I lose in gas and car upkeep. Plus, I won't make any friends that way, and the social life is an important part of college. Not to mention that I think I would seriously have to kill myself or someone else. I can't be around that. I also ended up mentioning something about it being mother's fault that I'm in therapy. Which is entirely true...but probably not uber appropriate for this setting. I don't know how many people heard. Hopefully not many.

So the parents part of it all was kinda icky. Which is too bad because I still don't have digital cable at my sister's house. So I can't watch the Independent Spirit Awards...which I've been looking forward to since November when I found out that I would be able to vote in them. I could theoretically watch them at the parents' apartment, but I don't think I want to go there. So I miss them. Maybe they will be re-aired on Bravo sometime when I get cable back.

Good news? Oscars are tomorrow. I'm excited. I hope things turn out good for all the right people.

Well, after a long day, I'm really tired, though it is only 9:30. I guess I'll just try to rest and get to bed early. After all, I have church in the morning. Crazy. I think my dad is actually going to come. Crazier. I have been to church more often in the past 6 years than he has...and I can count those occasions on my fingers. So if hell freezes over tomorrow, you'll know why.

Current Music: Sweet Misery - Michelle Branch

02/25/05, 6:58pm, CST.
Mama Leone left a note on the door, she said 'Sonny move out to the country'...
Home from Ohio. It was really good. So yay.

Right now, I'm not in a great mood, so I'm going to keep the actual content stuff short. But this weekend I used getTunes to steal a bunch of music from the people living in Peabody dorm at Miami of Ohio. Thanks people. ;-)

Here's a list of the albums I've aquired in the past two days:
* Living in Clip (Discs One and Two) - Ani DiFranco
* Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys
* Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 - The Beach Boys
* 1 - The Beatles
* A Hard Day's Night - The Beatles
* Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
* The White Album - The Beatles
* Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds
* Speed Graphic - Ben Folds
* Sunny 16 - Ben Folds
* River of Dreams - Billy Joel
* Storm Front - Billy Joel
* The Essential Collection - Bob Dylan
* Come With Us - Chemical Brothers
* Dig Your Own Hole - Chemical Brothers
* Surrender - Chemical Brothers
* London Calling - The Clash
* A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
* Hard Candy - Counting Crows
* Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows
* Volume One: 20 Greatest Hits - Creedence Clearwater Revival
* It's Not Funny - David Cross
* Shut Up You Fucking Baby! - David Cross
* Tidal - Fiona Apple
* When the Pawn... - Fiona Apple
* Live in Buffalo, July 4th 2004 - Goo Goo Dolls
* American Idiot - Green Day
* Goldfly - Guster
* Parachutes - Guster
* Cracked Rear View - Hootie & the Blowfish
* Brushfire Fairytales - Jack Johnson
* Greatest Hits - James Taylor
* Waiting for My Rocket to Come - Jason Mraz
* Pieces of You - Jewel
* Any Given Thursday - John Mayer
* Heavier Things - John Mayer
* Blue - Joni Mitchell
* Travelogue, Discs 1 and 2 - Joni Mitchell
* The Soul Sessions - Joss Stone
* Justified - Justin Timberlake
* The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - Lauryn Hill
* Hotel Paper - Michelle Branch
* The Spirit Room - Michelle Branch
* Pink Moon - Nick Drake
* MTV Unplugged - Nirvana
* Feels Like Home - Norah Jones
* Every Breath You Take - The Police
* Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 & 2 - Queen
* Kid A - Radiohead
* Poses - Rufus Wainwright
* Fumbling Toward Ecstacy - Sarah McLachlan
* Solace - Sarah McLachlan
* Touch - Sarah McLachlan
* Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins
* Superunknown - Soundgarden
* 12 Memories - Travis
* Green Album - Weezer
* Weezer - Weezer
* Who's Next - The Who

While many might consider this excessive and entirely illegal, but I think the government knows that I would buy all this...if I had the money for it. Meh.

Current Music: Movin' Out - Billy Joel

02/24/05, 12:05pm, EST.
Some folks like to get away, take a holiday from the neighborhood...
I'm in Ohio. Oooo...Ohio! The drive down wasn't too bad. Kinda boring, but I had my iPod to keep me in good company. Last night, Zoe, Tony and I went to see Movin' Out. Overall...very good. The lead, Eddie, was fabulous, and the woman playing Judy was excellent as well. I was so excited when she started doing pointe! So yes. Good.

After the show, we went to Tony's apartment for a while. He was busy with a group project, so Zoe and I just sat around watching the teley. We stayed until about midnight...I think...and then drove back to Oxford. I was very tired from all the driving, and it was late and Zoe has classes today, so we crashed pretty immediately.

Today will be some chilling while Zoe does work. I figure I can get her to give me access to the MU Wireless (stupid password protected internet) so I can futz around and check email, etc. And of course, post these updates.

That's about it, so I'll find other ways to entertain myself, before I meet Zoe for lunch. Opa.

Current Music: New York State of Mind - Billy Joel

02/22/05, 7:48pm.
Filthy quips from dirty lips...
This is ending the third day of internet-less-ness. It's been tough. Mostly because I'm so out of touch with everything. I haven't actually talked to anyone online in a while. Nor do I email anyone not related to me. The only friend-like people that I talk to on a regular basis are Caitlin and Zoe...and they usually call me. And yet, having that all said...I feel so disconnected without AIM and email. Just knowing people are there is comforting, and not knowing is very disconcerting. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, or obsessive...but it's like a security blanket. It's silly when it's around, but when it's gone, you feel lost. So yeah. That's about it.

Current Music: Guttermouth - Bree Sharp

02/22/05, 8:46am.
...
Internet still down. I'll probably end up going to the apartment a bit later to check my email, do some research that's been on my mind, and download a couple free songs on iTunes. Oh, and of course, upload this page so that y'all can read my entries from the past couple days.

In other news, today is my niece's, Zoe, birthday. She's 9, which is dangerously close to 10, which is an entire decade. And I have issues as it is with thinking that 1998 was just a couple years ago, but this kinda solidifies the fact that the 90's are gone. Oy.

Really interesting show on E! about Hollywood's obsession with youth. I didn't catch what it was called, but I'll look it up online later and report back. 'Twas very good.

Final note: I love Jon Stewart and I want to bear his children...despite the fact that he already has a wife and child. Oh well.

Current Music: Nothing

02/21/05, 9:11pm.
Goodbye Ruby Tuesday, who could hang a name on you...?
Still no digital cable or broadband internet. Feels slightly debilitating. At least we still have basic cable...but my poor TiVo has been trying to record my shows and gets nothing but a blank, black screen. Nuts.

In other news, I baked cupcakes today for my niece's class. It's her birthday tomorrow. Yippy. This means that I'll have to find a candle for her breakfast cupcake in the morning, and I'll be driving her to school. 28 cupcakes on the bus = not cool. Also, her birthday dinner will be tomorrow night, meaning I will be missing the second night of American Idol. Dammit. It's set to be TiVo'ed, but if cable doesn't come back, there will be no Idol to come home to. In case you care, I voted for Mario tonight. Like Simon said, he wasn't the strongest vocally, but his performance kicked everyone else's ass. Bo was a close second in my opinion, and Anwar the 3rd. Everyone else can be kicked off for all I care. We'll just have to wait and see what the future holds for these folks...but to quote judge-Jonathan from "Project Runway," I was underwhelmed.

In other news, I have plot bunnies zooming around my mind. Actually, I should call them plot-chinchillas, because those things are crazy. This means that not only have I been bitten by the writing bug, but that I am desperately introspective. Which bites. Because my writing sucks, so nothing good comes of this dribble. Oh well...may as well give in to the urge.

Current Music: Rolling Stones (in head)

02/20/05, 10:05pm.
The perfect smile...
Got to see Zoe and Johnson on Friday night. 'Twas good. Saturday I did a whole lot of nothing, then Chris and I went to dinner and to meet some of her co-workers at the TGI Friday's bar. Fun stuff. Today was church...three weeks in a row is kinda odd. I don't really know what this means for my belief system, but I guess...eh, I just don't know.

Cable's out...so no internet or digital cable. But something must be fishy, because we get basic cable on the TVs. I'm not complaining...I still got to watch "Desperate Housewives," "Boston Legal," and I'm currently watching "Nip/Tuck." Sundays are so damn eventful.

In other news...there is nothing.

Current Music: "Nip/Tuck" theme

02/19/05, 11:56am.
Where everybody knows your name...
The greatest thing about Valentine's Day being over...well, other than Valentine's Day being over...is SHAMROCK SHAKES!!!!!

And on that note...I watch some TiVo'ed Cheers, Friends, Will & Grace, and Gilmore Girls. And those were all TiVo's suggestions! It knows me so well!!! Who needs a man when you have a TiVo?

Current Music: Cheers theme.

02/18/05, 12:37pm.
...
Scrubs this week was really good. Poignant. Here's the closing monologue from the episode "My Life in Four Cameras:"
Unfortunately, around here things don't always end as neat and tidy as they do in sitcoms. Relationships arenít always magically fixed in 30 minutes; you have to work on them. Problems don't always have easy solutions. And around here, nice people don't always get better. And at times like that, it's comforting to know there's always one thing that can pick your spirits up. [watching "Cheers"]

A sitcom with real issues...who knew?

In other news...I'm a label whore. Yesterday I went to get my annual eye exam, and thus, new glasses. Daddy has fabulous insurance, so I take advantage of getting a new pair every year. Well, I was looking around, at the Gucci frames and the Kenneth Cole frames. And then I saw them. Burberry. And I think I fell in love. They are black, and if you look close, it has gray and red plaid stripes. Soooooo hot. Very expensive...$330 frames, but I get them for $130 after insurance. So I had to splurge. 'Cause I don't get $200 discounts on their $450 charm watch that I really want. I try so hard to ignore fashion...because I really don't have enough money to be fashionable. But I love it. I want to wrap myself in Burberry. I want to carry a Louis Vuitton handbag...particularly the $1380 Willwood Pocket Tote. *gush*

*slap* I'm done with that...because I could go on forever. Damn, I need to find me a rich doctor/lawyer/CEO or just marry Donald Trump. Anyone want to be my sugar daddy??

Anyway, today I go to pick up my glasses, and fight lines at the post office to get a passport...with my new glasses on. And I blowdried my hair so I'll look all good in my picture. Yeah...right. I'm sure it will suck a lot. Oh well.

I should get going. Travel Cafe on the Travel Channel is almost over, so I should put on socks and a shirt, and voyage down to D-Town. Oh, I should probably eat lunch sometime too. Hmmm....

Current Music: Rien de special.

02/10/05, 10:27pm.
It's your life, you can decorate it as you like...
The stress is overwhelming and the ambition quite underwhelming.

I feel extraordinarily trapped in my current being. I have no motivation to do anything productive and thus I do barely anything at all. One might think that no action would equal no stress...but they would be wrong. Dead wrong.

I got into a very minor car accident last Friday night. My first ever. Not enough damage to my car to need to repair, and I didn't do any damage to the guy in front of me. It was his fault, but I was ticketed for "failure to avoid an accident". $75 that I don't really have currently. So I have the stress of an accident. Of filling out an accident report. Of paying for a ticket. Of attending one of those stupid classes. Of calling the insurance company to tell them what happened. I should be thankful that no one was hurt and that more damage wasn't done...but I still resent it happening at all, and the negitive energy it thrust upon me.

The weekend was filled with extended family, which was mostly uncomfortable, with a little bit of fun. Wish I could have spent more time with my immediate family, but my Grandma's party lasted too damn long. Bugger. Then on Sunday, I went to church. Which was odd, because being there for SuperBowl Sub-making is one thing, but going of my own accord is something quite different. The sermon was on cynisism, and I began to feel extraordinarily guilty because of my cynical nature. I can't help it much...because life sucks, but still. I think that was when I really started to feel empty. I lack many things in my life right now, and I suppose a belief system is just another one of those things that I feel is unnecessary. Religion conflicts with logic and I am nothing is not knowledge-bound.

Maybe it has nothing to do with church. Maybe the emptiness just happened to sink in at a similar time. Maybe it was then that I realized how much I didn't have, and how much I had lost. That's tough. That's life.

To add to all of that stress, I got a call today from Stephanie at the Park District. I have an interview set up on Thursday for the Site Director position. I'm scared shitless. I hate having to prove that I'm worthy. I hate having to explain why I am great. I hate having to be so damn immodest. And most of all, I hate that I might fuck things up and not get the job. I need it...I want it so badly. What do I do if I don't get it?

While I'm down in Deerfield, I'm going to apply for my passport and get that damn $75 money order for the ticket. More shit that I don't want to do. I have been putting off my passport since November. Why? I don't know. Maybe I don't think I'm going to Europe. Maybe I'm afraid it will all fall through. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll actually go...I don't know.

All I know is that nothing is going well right now. Except school. Because I think I found a good school that I want to go to. And I've been accepted. And I'm in the honor's college. And 47 of my credits transfer. But I'm still waiting for the bottom to drop out on this one too. And my parents want me to commute an hour every day to classes from their house. First off, they aren't paying, so they really can't tell me what to do anymore. Second...I don't even spend time at the apartment because it's too damn uncomfortable with the both of them. I swear they just hate each other at this point...and it's horrible to be around. I don't like it and I refuse to put myself through that. Taking sides and listening to my mother bitch while my father yells. I don't want to do it anymore. I won't. I can't.

So I guess that isn't even 100% good. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being that life is easy as pie and 1 being so unbareable that I can't go on...I'd say that I'm at a 4. And that's only because I know I'll feel a little better in the morning. My "right now" score is lower.

To sleep. To dream. To escape this damn reality.

Current Music: Jane - Ben Folds

02/10/05, 10:27pm.
...
TiVo arrived yesterday. It's already rocking my socks.

In other news...
Me: Mama, do you want to go pick up Zoe?
Mommy Dearest: No...do you want to vacuum?
Me: Sure. I'll vacuum if you pick up Zoe.
Mommy Dearest: No that's okay. You probably wouldn't do a good job anyway.

Some people's mothers might do this jokingly. It might be considered harmless banter. But...oh no...she was damn serious. Feel the love.

Current Music: The Daily Show theme

02/06/05, 9:37pm.
...
My Eagles lost. Oh well, easy come, easy go.

Not too many good commercials. I liked the monkey Verizon Wireless one. It was cute. And the Diet Pepsi truck one was good, because of all the star cameos, and it was clever. The Kinkos/FedEx commercial making fun of superbowl commercials was also good.

I was disappointed at the beer commercials, they are usually good. Nothing the caliber of a "Whazzzzz uuuupp" or the Budweiser frogs/lizards. Oh well.

First half was boring. Second half got better, and much more exciting. And the half-time show was really nice. Needless to say, I'm really over pop music at the moment, and have reverted to much classic rock and that of older generations...Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Beatles included. So Paul McCartney was far better than a Justin/Janet show...though I like them both. Just...not in the mood.

I'm still waiting for my revolution. Times they are a-changing...I just need to know when to let go of my breath.

In other news, I was up at 5:15am to go to church with my sister and help her senior high class. Yes, my pagan/wiccan sister teaches Sunday School at our Christian church. We like the irony. But anyway...the senior high class makes Superbowl Sub Sandwiches every year. So we had to be there at 6am to start making a hella lot of sandwiches. Way too early. But sandwiches were made and then I went up to the service with my sisters (Chris and Emily). We have a new pastor...Pastor Jed. Heh, I like the name because it reminds me of West Wing. Anywho...he was pretty good. Really enthusiastic and a little geeky. Much better than the old pastor.

This story has an actual point...I swear. So his sermon starts talking about how for much of our lives we won't see or hear from god, et cetera, but that when he does it's significant and life changing. Whatever...the thing that made me thinks was that he said people often don't realize the presence of said god during hard times in life, but later in life it becomes evident. Maybe if I believed in a god, or a heaven, or any of that crap, this would be appealing. But frankly...I've been through hard times, and there was a time I blindly believed religion...and even looking back now, there was never a god for me. Oh well. Agnostic will have to do for now.

In other news...American Dad was disappointing. A few good of laughs, but not a whole lot of character balance, nor strong plot line. Oh well. It was only the first episode.

Current Music: Sleeeeeeeeeep.

02/04/05, 10:40am.
...
Watching Ellen. Good way to start the day.

Been frivolous lately...not so good. But I have luggage for Paris on the way...and a TiVo. Oy, I suck.

But a good thing I spent some money on! Fiestaware glasses!! They are really pretty goblets. See!


I bought Cobalt, Plum, Tangerine, Turquoise, Shamrock, and Cinnabar. I rock. AND! They were 30% off at Marshall Field's. Woo!

And for the record, Ellen and Peter Gallagher were just gushing about how great TiVo is. It's a sign that I did the right thing! Plus, I got it for $50 less than retail...and I'll be sending in for the $100 rebate. I'm thrifty!

And that's about it.

Current Music: CSI! DVDs rock.