08/31/04, 11:36pm.
You know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight...
I've been through my entire class rotation. Everything is either Monday, Wednesday or Tuesday, Thursday...I have Fridays off...so no more surprises. Things went pretty well. I already dropped my elective "Ballroom and Social Dance" (without even going), and "Queering Sexuality and Gender in the Media" for which I was waitlisted and is highly work-intensive. I don't have time for that. Everything else seems pretty good...I just wish I had gotten into the Kubrick class already. Still waitlisted for that too. It's only 34 people, and there were 40 of us who showed up today. Dammit. I really, really want in. Plus, it's the only course toward my major...so I kinda need it. Otherwise this semester is a big waste. Well, except for "Picasso" which helps my art history minor and French, which is another possible minor. And then there's "Stage Management" that goes toward theatre...which is technically still my major. Bah, whatever. I want to do film!!!! I think.

It's still early, but I want to get lots of sleep, so I'll be getting to bed.

Current Music: A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

08/29/04, 11:11pm.
You're laughing out loud at just the thought of being alive...
11:11. Make a wish.

That's twice that that's happened recently. The funny thing is...I was so busy typing that...I forgot to make a wish. Such is life, I suppose.

So I'm back at school. Sort of. I'm in Bloomington. Classes haven't started, and I haven't been on campus except for the 30 minutes I took to buy books. The apartment is wonderful. Having a car is great. Seeing everyone and living close, but not with, is absolutely fantastic. The apartment feels quiet a lot of the time, but we've had so many people over every day that nothing is dull. And it's really nice.

Classes tomorrow. We get to figure out the bus schedule and all that. I have to get on a bus at 10:30 for my 11:15 class. Granted, that's leaving a lot of time as a cushion, but I don't want to walk in late on the first day. What a tool I'd be, eh?

Today, Michael and I went shopping for some stuff from Best Buy, and I got a couple magazines for the coffee table. Annie Leibovitz did the Reese Witherspoon cover and subsequent spread for Vanity Fair, which I highly recomment buying. InStyle is also very good this month (as usual). It's my bible. Someday, I'll even have the money to buy excellent looking clothing and jewlery like in those mags, and I too can look good. Until then, I'll stick with being a fucking huge fashion victim. Pity.

Right now, I'm watching Matchbox Twenty's live DVD Show...which I bought today. More listening right now, cause I can't see the TV. But after this post, I shall get ready for bed, and crawl under the covers to watch with my full attention. I figure I should get a good night's sleep for tomorrow. Besides, after the VMA's finished, the party dispursed. Katie's at Chad's. Justin's working out with Michael and Caitlin. Ah, the life.

Current Music: Could I Be You - Matchbox Twenty (live on Show)

08/25/04, 1:05am.
But I still left...
Oh god. Please someone stop this roller coaster I'm on. I've gone through almost all of the emotions from denial to anger to intense depression. Mom keeps saying how she keeps having doubts about whether they are doing the right thing. I know she wants me to reassure her (cause that's what I do...?) but I have to hold back from saying "HA! A little late for that..."

In other news, I'm nowhere near ready to leave. I definitely have all the stuff I need for school. I could leave tomorrow (eek...considering it's officially Wednesday, I AM leaving tomorrow...), and be ready. But as for getting all of my worldly possessions into boxes which will either go to Indiana with me, Florida storage and subsequently the parent's house when it's built in February, Antioch in my sister's house or Salem, WI to stay in my brother's garage...I'm fucking drowning in an ocean. And if you know me at all, you know I don't swim well. In fact, my only two fears are falling from heights unprotected, and drowning. I have a deathly (heh, pun NOT intended) fear of drowning to death.

So basically, I'm overwhelmed and stressed and wish I could stop time and do NOTHING EVER AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I haven't felt this bad in a long time, and there is no end in sight. Not when I go to school, not when the house sells, not when mom quits her job and moves to Florida, not when dad moves in with my brother and sister-in-law for two years until he can retire with pension. Not if I transfer schools, not when I come home for the summer and have to crash at my sister's house all break, not when I end up not being able to go to Paris in May...the only light that has been at the end of my tunnel for the past two months.

But for as little as I make the posts, I should not make them this upsetting. I'll be going to bed now. I need to wake up early and finish packing and cleaning all of my room so that nothing is left except a bed, a spotless desk and an empty dresser. I can't be in 4 places at once, so why does all of my stuff have to be?

And to tell the truth, the things that might just hurt the most is that I don't know when I'll see my kitty next. Because she's going to Florida and I'm not. Until at the earliest December...but more realistically March for Spring Break. Unless Paris does actually work out, in which case I won't get down there until the end of next summer. A year without my cat? For 8 years, she's been the only constant thing in my life. It's silly...but she's so important to me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Current Music: That Particular Time - Alanis Morrisette

08/19/04, 1:30am.
Often Sara would have spells where she lost time...
A few really good days in a row. Excellent.

Monday: I had lunch with Crystal at Panda Express on Lake and 41. Was good and got a bit caught up. Then I got a call from Caitlin and we met for a Chipotle dinner before heading to Target to pick up some hairdye. We went to Amanda's and were joined by Allie and preceeded to dye my hair "Tropic Burgundy." But that's not all! We headed back to my house for some girly drinking where Charlie joined. Fun was had.

Tuesday: Despite a rather strong hangover, I stayed chipper and went out to get a PS2 and games for ma soeur. I chilled at her house, waiting for her to get home from work. We had dinner, played with fun new games and I spent the night.

Wednesday (today, for all intensive purposes): Woke up and played for several hours on Kingdom Hearts and Simpson's Road Rage. Had to run out for memory cards, cause silly me thought that since the PSOne controllers work, so would the memory cards. Finally got my ass home and showered, then straightened my hair. I need to buy another box of dye because a lot didn't get saturated. I have too much hair for one box, apparently. The funny part is my hair is shorter than it's been in a year. Anywho, tonight I had dinner with the parents, then started some cleaning and organizing of the basement/my school things. Zoe came over and we started watching Lethal Weapon 4 and were later joined by Bittner. After the movie we spent well over 2 hours just talking. Which was amazing. About everything from the grunge movement of '93 to war and being drafted, to the Olympics. Mostly we reached the conclusion that there has been no defined generation since "Generation X" which means no generation gap. There is nothing to set children apart from adults and no great movement toward a certain "indie," or individualistic lifestyle. Which is bad for every reason. And people need to stop putting up fences in their backyards.

And while that summed it up, there's still other stuff. Like my sheets for school came in, and are very bright, colorful and fun. And today my external hard drive arrived. Which is fucking awesome because I ordered it on Monday and chose the free, 7-9 day shipping. And it came in 2. Rock the fuck on. It only took 3 hours to back up my 35GBs of space. Now I'll be working on deleting a bunch of stuff that I don't need at my fingertips. A lot of music and documents. Mostly music. Like I don't need all 28 gigs all the time. Who knew?

Tomorrow, Zoe and I are seeing Harry Potter at Highland Park theatre. It sucks because it's expensive, gross and second run, but Tom Felton will make it all worth it. He's 6'1" ya know. Hee hee. After that, we'll be heading to Fazoli's for dinner with the kiddles. Good time to be had, question mark?

And now, deleting and sleeping. Excellent.

Current Music: Zak and Sara - Ben Folds

08/15/04, 11:11pm.
Everytime I let you back in...
11:11...make a wish.

That's something I haven't done in a while. Last week when I visted with Becca, I realized that I don't think I've been wishing all summer. This is odd for me, considering my horrible tendency to hope for the best. That's right, I'm a die-hard optimist who gets disappointed just about everyday, and thus becomes a bitter and angry wench. Cool, huh?

Anyway, I spent a lot of my weekend babysitting the kids. Saturday night was my cousins' birthday party, and almost all of my immediate family was there, except Emily and Tom. So we decided to have a lunch today with everyone. Tom didn't come, I don't really know why...but the rest of our 11 were. It's kinda crazy to think of my friends who have families of 4 or 5, and then there's mine of 11. It was really good.

Zoe called me, so I came back home from up north (Gurnee/Antioch area) where I've been since Friday-ish. We watched Quiz Show, one of the 6 new DVDs I've purchased in the past week. I think it may be a disease. Highlights of the new include Kill Bill, Vol. 2 and Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill...which I got for $15 at Tower downtown.

In other news...my parents have decided to move to Florida. Or rather...my mom will be. I mean, they've been talking about it since well before my Aunt Judy moved down there. She and my mom are best friends, as well as sisters, so it's been tough and we all knew it was a matter of time. But in the 4 months she's been gone, Mama's been very sad, so apparently on Saturday, she decided to move down there. And Daddy actually agreed. He's been looking at real estate almost every day for the past 4 months, as he's actually learned to use the computer as well as discovered the virtues of Springhill, Florida. So they have a property picked out and I have a feeling that within the next couple months, my mom will be down there. Daddy has to stay up here to work for 2 years until he gets his pension. We don't really know where he'll be. Possibly staying with Dave and Katie for those two years. As for me...I have no idea. Chris' house, I suppose.

Mom was on the phone tonight talking to someone in the industry, asking if for tear-down houses (as ours will be), if it's possible to take the furnace and air conditioning units and other things that are part of the house...but if it's being torn down...are rather unnecessary. I don't know the answer to that...but it leads me to believe they are pretty serious. I mean, I guess this comes at an okay time...being in school and all. I'm only home for 4 months a year anyhow. But I've never lived anywhere else. My address has always been the same, since the day I was born. And it was the same even when Chris was born. We've had this house for 33 years. I'm more than a little attached. I know my mom wanted to move 30 years ago...she's not good at staying put...but. It's home. I've never known any other home. Where do I go on breaks and vacations? Where do I move when I'm out of school and on my own? I need a city. I love Chicago. I haven't found anywhere better. I wasn't impressed by New York and LA is definitely not my speed. Seattle was nice, but too small. I guess I can check out Paris and London when (if?) I go in May.

OY!

So much to think about.

Notes to self: Buy the external hard drive, Fazoli's for lunch this week, Harry Potter with Zoe at HP Theatre on Tuesday(?), party with Bittner some night.

The goodbyes begin. I leave in 11 days. Holy shit.

Current Music: Everytime I Cry - Terri Clark

08/12/04, 7:24pm.
...
I can't help it. I actually like Hilary Duff. Watching Cadet Kelly on Disney and it's too damn cute. I suck.

Dinner time. Aww...I won't see the rest of the movie. :-(

Also, watched The Prince and Me today with my cousin and Aunt Judy. Was really really adorable. I was all giggly.

Current Music: Nothing

08/10/04, 12:11am.
I need help believing you're with me tonight...
Out of the loop, party of one!

Work ended on Friday, and by 4pm, I had left the house to go to Chris's. Once again, I'm finding myself addicted to Final Fantasy VIII for PlayStation. So I've been frequenting her house. I came home for dinner that night, left at 8:30pm and the intention of spending the night.

I spent 3.

Damn near 72 hours later, I returned home at 5pm today. I had a very good time this weekend, hanging with Chris and Zoe, playing some PS, and all that. It's little wonder I only came home because I had plans tonight with Schmikes.

I also missed my cat. I didn't realize it until just a few moments ago, but I love my plump ball of fur. She's beautiful and soft and cuddly and loves me. More importantly, I love her. So we are curled up together as I type this on my bed. What a sweetie she is.

Anywho, tonight I saw The Notebook with Mikey. His idea, not mine. It was so very good, and not as serious and depressing as I thought. It was extremely intense, and I swear I had my entire body clenched the entire drive home, but it was SO GOOD. I want for me. *sigh*

Tomorrow I hit the Art Institute with Zoe, Lela and Lela's cousin Becca (Becka, Bekah, Bekka...something like that...). Should be a good time. Then it's Wednesday and I only have about 2 weeks left. Oy, I need to pack and shop and figure out who's bringing the vacuum and all that crap. Eeps. And I think this weekend I'm camping with Bittner, and possibly Paul and Zoe. I should call him to figure it out. Huh...

Current Music: As Long As You're Mine - Wicked

08/02/04, 10:25pm.
There's a girl I know, he loves her so...
One more week of work left. Unreal. It went by really fast. Too bad...that means I only have one more paycheck before the money stops coming in. @#)($*#@()*!!!!

Downloaded Wicked from iTunes recently, and thus have been listening to it often. Then on Saturday night, Candace and I went to see "Even Stephen" at NU and the musical extravaganza continued. Now there are several more soundtracks I need. "Stephens" rock. Between Schwartz, Flaherty, and Sondheim...my life is damn-near complete.

Sunday I went to the Renaissance Faire with Dave and Katie, Emily and Tom, and Chris. Was really fun. Love those siblings. Then the parents came home from Florida. My 10 days of heaven on earth have been shattered into a broken memory. Oh well...I guess they aren't terrible. And I'll be out of here in less than a month.

August already. Damn. I can't believe how quickly the summer has passed. I'm so not ready for what comes next. Yikes. I have so much to prepare for now that school is in the immediate future, and then there's the whole search and application process for transfer. Oy, that's going to suck. And I'm already trying to plan Thanksgiving in Boston and next May-June in Paris. So close, yet so far away. They could both fall though at any minute. Please, god, let it all work out!

And for now, I need sleep. Tomorrow is camp, of course, and then bowling and dinner with the staff. Good people, they are. We'll also be going out on Thursday for a nice, less-good & clean fun night. Woo-hoo.

Notes to self: Godspell, Children of Eden, yell at Schmikes, then make plans, call Bittner about camping. SLEEP.

Current Music: I'm Not That Girl - Wicked