04/25/05, 7:54pm.
...
Waiting. On pins and needles. I'm waiting.

What for? I don't know. Maybe this sounds crazy. But it's been going on for a while. First with the revolution that I still feel is forth-coming. The resurgence of late 60's rock in commercials and my mind. "Times They Are A-Changin'" and "Talkin' 'Bout a Revolution" have seemed like themes. It's like something is waiting...just over the horizon...ready to dawn, ready to break out into something amazing or something horrible...but something extreme.

More recently, I've had the feeling that maybe I'm drifting. Maybe it's me who's changing. Me who's waiting to burst into life. I'm feeling like I might be moving away. With my trip to Europe two weeks away, it seems normal to be having thoughts of travel. But it's not my month in Europe that's been on my mind. It's relief work in Africa, it's settling down for a year in Singapore, it's taking trips to the great unknown for as long as the wind will let me settle there.

I think much of this has spurred from my ties being cut. My home is gone, and I'm wandering. My life is changing like crazy. I feel like there's nothing to hold me in one place or another, but instead that I'm waiting to hit the ground running. My parents have started their new life. They closed today on their house in Florida. My siblings all have their own lives/families/homes. I am loved, but out of place. Nomadic, at best, it leaves me feeling empty. There's a void I need to fill, and for once, I actually want to do it on my own. I've been forced to do a lot on my own in the past years. Probably starting around 16, I've been a strange melding of dependant and independant. My parents provided shelter, food, and clothing. Everything else was up to me. College applications, scheduling appointments, etc.

But now. Now I feel like I really have to cut loose. And it's hard knowing that eventually, I have to go back to school. And I have to get a job. And find a career. I don't want to be roped down with a family anytime soon. And I don't want a job that I can't pick up and leave when I want for as long as I want. But then again...I doubt that exists. Maybe I'll find myself some handsome and rich entrepaneur with enough money to keep me traveling without having to work. He can even come along, if he promises to be good.

But for right now, I have $20,000 of student loan debt from one year, and a trip to Europe coming that will entirely encompass all funds in my bank accounts, as well as putting debt onto credit cards. And I feel like I'm merely surviving in life...not quite living it. Won't these 15 days pass by more quickly? I need to start my next adventure.

Current Music: Cat Scratch Fever - Ted Nugent (in head)

04/20/05, 5:25pm.
So forgive me, love, if I cry in your shower...
Well damn. Apparently I just missed a call from Apple telemarketing.

Here's the story: I see on my cell phone that the incoming number is area code 916. I don't recognize this, so I quickly do a google search while it rings. It comes up as Sacramento, California. Even more perplexing since I don't know anyone in California...let alone Sacramento.

The ringing stops and I am continually curious, so due to the wonders of the internet I put in a search for "916 399 7992." Something about all the 9's intrigued me. I like the number nine...it's a perfect square and odd. Second only to prime numbers...my true geeky passion. Enough of my number-philia...

The sites that come up, I notice, are littered with those related to Mac and Apple products...mostly forums. I take a reliable source, and click.

Voila! Who knew? Apple does over-the-phone marketing. Or...it's some crazy conspiracy. Either way, the next time it calls, I'm answering. I love conspiracies!

All this, just two days after I spend an obscene amount of time at the Apple website drooling over the upcoming Tiger (which I ordered last week) and designing my very own, state of the art, dream machine...a $5500 G5. Ouch. I guess it will stay in my dreams. Oh, and that's with the educational discount...of course. *sigh*

And now...apartment hunting for Paris. Countdown: 20 days.

Current Music: Alanis...yay for angry chick music. Jagged Little Pill first, next up, So-Called Chaos. (It's alphabetical.)

04/18/05, 4:39pm.
...
I haven't updated in a while...not too much to report. I was up early this morning because we had guys coming to install a new air conditioner...at 7:22am. It's okay, I napped for a while when they were working. They stayed for a little over three hours.

Yesterday, my sister and I worked in her yard and did some landscaping. Mostly cultivating dirt, digging up dead plants from last year and fixing her side path. Everything looks decent and ready to do some major planting. We then had some quality time playing Ribbit King on PlayStation 2. Quality game. Gotta love hitting frogs with mallets.

I'm trying to get ready for Europe. I purchased some phrasebooks, as well as audio CDs to try and take a crash course in Spanish and Italian. Not much is sticking yet. I have some words down, but the lack of text makes verb conjugation difficult, and somethings are hard to pick up. I need the visuals as well.

The good news is that I have all the hostels booked, and I'm close to finding an apartment (I think). It's hard to believe that in 22 days, I'll be leaving for France. *hyperventilates*

Other than that, not much is going on. I'm hanging around a lot, trying to keep busy. I anxiously await the mail everyday in hopes that I will receive a Netflix, or my license back, or something cool and useful.

The Daddy is here, so I'll be going now.

Current Music: Ribbit King

04/12/05, 12:57pm.
Well midwest farmers' daughters really make you feel alright...
I'm a mad-crazy planning, traveling machine. And for you're viewing pleasure, my trip to Europe:

May 10: Overnight flight out of O'Hare
May 11: Land in Paris
May 12: Eurostar train to London with Allie
May 13: London
May 14: London
May 15: Eurostar back to Paris
May 16: Paris
May 17: Train to Nice (solo)
May 18: Nice
May 19: Train back to Paris
May 20: Paris
May 21: Paris
May 22: Paris
May 23: Train to Madrid (alone again)
May 24: Madrid [Happy Birthday, Zoe]
May 25: Train to Barcelona
May 26: Barcelona [Happy Birthday, Amanda]
May 27: Train back to Paris
May 28: Paris
May 29: Paris
May 30: Paris
May 31: Paris
June 1: Paris
June 2: Paris
June 3: Paris [Happy Birthday, Candace]
June 4: Overnight train to Florence, with Allie [Happy Birthday, Jason]
June 5: Florence
June 6: Florence
June 7: Train to Rome [Happy Birthday, Charlie]
June 8: Rome
June 9: Rome
June 10: Train back to Paris
June 11: Paris
June 12: Paris
June 13: Fly back home. :-(
June 14: Start work as a summer camp counselor while entirely jet-lagged. WOOO! [Although, to be fair...it's only orientation week. Who needs to learn first aid or safety?]

Sweet, huh? That makes it seem like I'm never going to be in Paris. But you have to take into account that trains out of Paris leave me the morning, and returning from cities unknown give me the nights.

It is currently my plan to learn Spanish and Italian in the next month. I probably (read: definitely) won't reach proficiency in either, but it should hopefully give me enough to get around. I know, I know...most Europeans speak English because they aren't stupid like us Americans. I want to learn those languages anyway. I bought phasebooks to help out...as well as an audio CD course in each (the really cheap ones that probably suck, but I'm cheap...oh well).

So that's that. My Eurail pass should be delivered today via FedEx. Rock on.

PS - In one month, I will be in London. OHMYGOD!!!! *bursts with excitement*

Current Music: California Girls - The Beach Boys

04/08/05, 5:01pm.
Life's like an hourglass glued to the table...
Day two of house arrest. Significantly less productive. I watched an obscene amount of Gilmore Girls. Like...I started at 9:30am and just stopped at 4:30pm. Taking out the commercials that TiVo allows me to pass up...that's 9 episodes. I took a few breaks in there...breakfast, lunch and bathroom. I just showered. Because I have run out of TiVo'ed Gilmore Girls. Note to self: Buy seasons 1 and 2 on DVD...

Something productive I did kinda do today...my travel agent aunt searched her resources to find me an apartment in Paris. My mom had to email her initially to ask about it...since I don't have internet. And she called me twice today, so I didn't really have to do anything...but it's sort of productive.

In about an hour, my sister will be home to pick me up and we shall head down to my dad's apartment to a) have dinner of yummy Chinese from New China and b) so I can finally check my email and figure out some of the europe stuff that has been thrown onto the back burner. I was almost to the point of calling someone and having them email Allie to tell her my internet was down. I haven't communicated with her since Tuesday, and things like hostels fill up quickly for the high seasons in Europe. Maybe she booked something without waiting to hear from me first. But most likely she was waiting on my go. Oh well, I'm sure things will work out fine.

And now...I sift through other TiVo'ed shows from the past week. I have time for one more hour show before I have to go. I almost miss live cable, but living in re-runs isn't too bad. I live my life in re-runs.

Current Music: Breathe (2am) - Anna Nalick

04/07/05, 2:51pm, CST.
...
Yes, I'm back in Central Time. Yay?

Vacation was good, and now I'm back home and the stress of everything starts flooding back. I am, regretfully, without both internet and my car...so I'm very isolated and useless here. However, thanks to a nifty invention called the "telephone" I have been able to be uber productive today (while having tiny breakdowns along the way). I'm talented.

Off the 'to-do' list are:
- Verify my ATM card works in Europe (it does, but I have a 2% exchange rate fee plus the 'using-a-non-Bank-One-ATM' fee)
- Verify I have health insurance overseas (I'm still not too clear on this one. She said: my cards won't work there, but I'd be reimbursed when I get back to the states. So hopefully I won't break a leg or get seriously ill, because I think it has to come out of my own pocket. Shit.)
- Check application status at UCF. They have received my DHS transcripts (yay!) but are still reviewing them. When they have made a decision, they will let me know. (Oh, I love waiting to hear from colleges).
- Have a therapy session via phone. Odd, but it works. And she was able to get phone numbers for UCF and the Antioch Public Library from the internet for me (since internet here is out of commission).

Yet to do:
- Call Student Loan people. *shudder* I want to wait to hear from UCF, but I don't want to start paying my loans on June 18, 2005 when they should be deferred until May 1, 2007. Needless to say...I don't have the $19,712.20 they are looking for. Sorry!
- Call Antioch Public Library to verify that I can use their wireless internet...which means walking to the library. Eh, it's only 1/2 to 3/4 mile from here. But how nice would it be to drive? Or to surf the internet from the privacy of my own couch?
- Call the Providian people to ask where my credit card is. I got all the paperwork that goes along with it, and even my first month's statement...but so far? No piece of plastic has entered my fingers. Silly them.

With internet I need to:
- Find an apartment in Paris
- Email Allie to find out what we're doing about Italy
- Buy a Eurail pass
- Buy Eurostar tickets
- Set up Walgreen's automatic refills (genius, if you ask me)
- Find a phone number for Entertainment Weekly to cancel my subscription/cancel it online, if possible.

Oh, by the way...my cell phone has become demonic. It has cut me off of phonecalls, on occasions the 3 or 9 buttons stick and it couldn't find reception if it was on a cell tower. Twice today, I received voice mail messages after my phone did not ring. Nokia is a great phone, but only has a shelf life of about 2 years. On the upside, my battery lasts for days of non-use and probably about 8 hours of talk time. I've already talked for about 90 minutes today, and I have lost no bars of battery life. It's ghetto, but it works. Sometimes.

And I'm spent.

Current Music: Nothing.

04/06/05, 9:34am, EST.
Dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the night...
Last day in Florida...soon we'll be heading to Nellie's for breakfast, and then at 1:30, I'll be dropped off at the airport. Sooooo crazy...I've been here for over two weeks. And it's time to go home.

I'm having uber amounts of trouble trying to find an apartment for Paris. It's looking like I'm going to have to spend a lot more money that I had intended, because the dollar is so weak. This economy sucks! Remember that time when the dollar was stronger than the euro? Yeah...that would have been a good time to go to Europe. Too bad I was in junior high then. I suppose it's not fair to blame it entirely on Bush, but dammit. He deserves some of the blame.

In other news, Allie and I are finding hostels for our weeks in Italy. Rock on. And when I get home, I'll be ordering my eurail pass and the one that takes me to London and back...I forgot the same of that. Oh well. Also, I think I might buy a French phasebook to bone up on some of the things I've forgotten since first year french...like directions. Tournez a la doigt et continuez just-qu'au la coin. And I butchered that. I don't know how to spell! Oh, and I also think I want to learn a little spanish and italian. I know little or nothing of either. Buonjorno? Hola? Je ne parle ni espagnol ni italiano. Damn. I have a month to cram.

Other things I must do when I get home:
- Find out if I have health insurance overseas.
- Find out if my ATM card works in Europe.
- Cancel Entertainment Weekly (damn waste of money).
- Figure out student loan shit. *shudder*
- Find out why my DHS transcript never made it to UCF...and possibly send them a letter to send a new one. Bugger.

Yeah...lots to do, but right now, I need to relax, go have breakfast and prepare for a flight home.

Current Music: Dream Weaver (because...well, I'm using the program Dreamweaver)

04/02/05, 6:24pm, EST.
...
Not feeling so good today. Kinda yucky and sick-ish. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow, because I think we're going to Disney to use up my last day. As for tonight, we'll probably just sit around and watch a movie again. Last night it was After the Sunset and tonight will be Ray.

Monday will be a college visit to University of Central Florida. I really hope I like it, because if I don't...well....I have no idea what I'm going to do. Oy. Life is stressful and it sucks. I won't even get into all the other things I'm freaking out about currently. Boo.

Well, the dogs have been bathed, so I think it's movie time. I'll update again...at some point. Probably before I arrive back in chilly Illinois on Wednesday. Ciao.

Current Music: Nothing.

04/01/05, 7:29pm, EST.
I like bread and butter, I like toast and jam...
By popular demand, I am updating. Also...it's the first of April, so it's a good time to clear off the home page and add March to the archives.

Vacation has been good. Time off is always relaxing, and sitting in the sun is good for morale (as well as the tan). Also, a trip to Disney is good for the soul. Tuesday afternoon, the whole lot of us (me, mom, aunt Judy, aunt Bonnie, cousin Andy, sister Fayanne and Fayanne's friend Becca) headed to Orlando. We did some shopping and eating at Downtown Disney, and spent the evening there. After that, Fayanne, Becca and I went to our hotel a couple blocks from the Downtown Disney Marketplace. However, to get there, we had to take a bus to a Disney hotel, and then a bus to Epcot, so we could pick up our hotel shuttle. In retrospect, we probably should have walked, but oh well. It was good practice for our shuttle and bus hopping to come.

Wednesday, we started out early...taking a 7:50am shuttle to Animal Kingdom. It was my first time going there, and it was pretty cool. I liked the safari and it's just really cool that there were real animals everywhere. Like a zoo, but Disney-a-fied. And significantly better than the fake Jungle Cruise in Magic Kingdom. I like animals. I'd like to go to a real zoo sometime. Possibly Lincoln Park when I get home. Maybe even take the kids some weekend when the weather's nice. It would be better if Chris didn't have to work on Saturdays...we could go as a family. :-(

After Animal Kingdom, we headed to Magic Kingdom (it was our "kingdom" day) where we encountered terribly huge crowds. It was the park that would be open for 3 extra hours for Disney Resort guests. People everywhere kinda sucked, but we got Fast Passes for stuff and found the rides that move continuously like the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Carribean (my two favorite rides). When the sun went down, it wasn't as bad, but still a lot of people. After 18 hours of Disney fun, we were tired, cranky, and my feet hurt like none other. We went back to the hotel and crashed.

Thursday morning, we started later...taking an 8:50 bus to MGM. Fass Passed Tower of Terror while we waited in line for Rockin' Roller Coaster. After those two, we caught some shows and smaller rides. We had a sit-down lunch at Mama Melrose's. I had never gone to a sit-down restaurant at Disney before. We always did the order-at-a-counter, pick up and eat thing. It was quite an experience. And expensive. Probably won't do it again. Oh well. MGM was good, but cut short. We had to leave at 5pm to hop to EPCOT as Mom and Judy would be at Downtown Disney to pick us up around 6:30, though they planned to do some shopping before we had to leave. EPCOT was good. Did Test Track for the first time...not worth the hype, but cool if the line would be under a half hour. Then we walked the world showcase. Ate a churro in Mexico, a chocolate covered pretzel in German and McDonald's fries in the International Gateway. Still haven't seen any of the shows there...never have gotten to spend much time at the EPCOT. Some day...

To get to Downtown Disney, we walked from EPCOT down the Boardwalk and to the bus stop at the Beach Club resort. Very nice. I decided I want to stay there for my honeymoon. Heh...yeah right. This means that I have to marry someone with money. And who would agree to a honeymoon at Disney. Of course, this could always be my honeymoon, and we could do another for him. I'm a good sharer. By the way: interested parties may inquire within.

That wraps up Disney. Good time was had. Very tiresome, but worth it. Today we went down to Tampa. Becca was dropped off at the airport at 2:15pm, and then we shopped at a near-by mall until 5, when we had to take Fayanne to the airport. Sad to see them go, the house it quiet again...but now I can recuperate from the busy-ness. Next week, we have a college visit to do and one more day on my Disney hoppper pass to use up. Schweet.

Current Music: The Spam commercial jingle in my head...don't ask.